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What's Up With Fortune Cookies These Days?

By Ben Mester

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Published: 30Oct2009
Word count: 635
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I used to love fortune cookies -- cracking open that crunchy little morsel to reveal a tiny slip of paper upon which is written a somewhat vague portent that's probably statistically calculated to happen to about 85% of whoever happens to read it. In the past, it was always fun seeing the goofy stuff the fortune cookies would tell you about the future happenings of life. The fortune cookie used to be something I greatly looked forward to.

But somewhere along the way, fortune cookies stopped telling fortunes. In more recent days, cracking open that sugary mix of hard pressed flour has begun to reveal some alarming messages -- things like: "You are a very kind and generous person." What in the world is this? An observation cookie? Is that a joke?

The first time I cracked open a fortune cookie and was hit with such a randomly mediocre depiction of my personality, I was convinced that something had definitely gone desperately wrong with the printing, that the lines of communication had somewhere gotten crossed, and a mixed up message had been inserted instead. And so, I proceeded with special interest into the study of the fortune cookie, and found in despair, that what had begun as a fluke would soon become the standard for all the messages to come.

From my semi-professional study into the world of fortune cookies, it seems that within the last decade, fortune cookies have branched out into four distinct categories. The four types of cookies are basically this: The Observation Cookie, The Advice Cookie, The General Wisdom Cookie, and if you're really lucky, you'll still get the genuine old-fashioned Fortune Cookie.

Advice cookies are always interesting. Things like: "You should go into business with a friend." Thanks fortune cookie, that's great advice! I have one for you:

"Advice from tiny, random slips of paper is usually pretty terrible. I really probably SHOULDN'T go into business with a friend. I, he, or we could both be terrible businessmen and could very easily ruin our friendship. Or better yet, through our shockingly awful business endeavor, our lives could become so completely disentangled that we'll inevitably end up on the weekend news with the headline 'Bad Business Leads to Murder/Suicide Pact.'"

Try fitting all that inside a cookie! Hmmm, I bet it's possible. We could call em Manuscript Cookies and they could each come with a plastic magnifying glass. Hey, that's not a bad idea. Maybe I could find a friend to go into business and help me market it. Just kidding.

But of all the newer types of cookies to hit the market, I've got to say that the General Wisdom Cookie is probably my favorite. If I'm going to be forced to stomach a classic one-lined cliche, I'll take it while sitting at a fine restaurant munching a sugary morsel and not from the bumper of some schmo that just cut me off, thank you very much! The first time I stumbled upon one of these wayward cliches, I was so shocked that I saved it and put it in my wallet. It's still there to this day, waiting for its chance to once more whisper to me that "Words should be weighed, not counted."

Hey, that just gave me another brilliant business idea. We could introduce a Word Weigher into Microsoft Word. They already have a word counter, after all, and the cookie clearly says that words ought to be weighed, not counted. The word weigher could be that cold slap of realism that so much of us in the writing world need -- that stern, unrelenting critic unafraid to give us the hard truth that all our "supposed" snappy whiticisms are really just chaff borne on the wind. I think we might be on to something here :)

I hoped you liked this article about Fortune Cookies. For more great reading, check out my profile on Hubpages.

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