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A Romantic's View

By Ben Mester

Republish: EasyPublish™ Published: 04Aug2009 Word count: 863 Viewed: 283 time(s) Get Free Content For Your Site

Earlier in my life, something happened to me that greatly shaped the way I felt about romance. One night during the summer, I went to the local gym after dinner, as I often did. I remember walking through the door to a crowded room, thinking to myself, a date with most any of the girls in here wouldn't be such a bad thing. That single thought was characteristic of what my entire mentality had become. The reason I remember my mentality so clearly was because in only the next instant, that mentality would become shattered and irrevocably changed.

As I continued my way into the building's interior, something caught my eye that I wasn't prepared for. Directly ahead, I saw a girl behind a pane of glass in an elevated room. In describing her, I can say little more than she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. To say that I wasn't prepared to see her could more adequately be stated that I wasn't prepared for change that the whole world seemed to take. For almost immediately, the whole world seemed to take on a vibrant and mysterious tone. Idealistic purposes I was beforehand blind to came alive and thrust themselves to the forefront of my heart and mind. In that moment, I became convicted and convinced that truly great and magical things did exist in the world to be found, and that I ought to fight for those things and strive to find them.

A sense of timelessness also fell upon the world and the sudden reflections I had about life. I felt as though somehow connected to all of mankind throughout history, that I now faced the same choice as all who came before. Will I be the kind of man who truly strives for great things in life? Or will I settle for the selfish ambitions of a vain and callused heart? I felt confronted by the questions that all men have had to face throughout the hallways of time.

And something else struck me that I found strange. In those short moments, I felt an odd contempt for the simple happiness I had always tried to find in life. Though I did not yet know this girl, my heart convinced me that she was someone truly special and worth fighting for, and that to get to know her would be a manifold and inexpressible treasure. And because of that feeling, I was convinced that I could have but one response: that I ought to be a better man. In that moment, I felt contempt for my own need for happiness, and instead, was filled with resolve to become the kind of man that a girl like that could truly need, though it cost me my own search for happiness. I felt that to be a better man was more important than to be happy, and that often, the two are mutually exclusive.

And there was something else surprisingly different. Though she was more beautiful than any girl I had ever seen, with her I found a longing for things I had never yearned for before with a girl; to walk hand in hand along a moonlit beach, to sit beside her on a park bench and watch her stare at the stars - even just to be in the same room with her. There was no desire for sex in that moment, though that in and of itself is an understatement. So obvious was the lack of sexual desire that I realized surprisingly in that moment that even if there was no such thing as sex, still I would desperately want to be near her.

And this desperation to be near her led to feelings of reckless abandon that I had never before experienced. These feelings were surprising in that they drove me to want to walk up to her and tell her plainly of what I thought of her, how special and beautiful I thought she was, or writing her the most beautiful poem the world has ever seen and giving it to her. Though the fear of being labeled a lunatic kept these feelings at bay, still I was surprised at the nature of this reckless abandon. It seemed to be more concerned with esteeming her and building her up than concerned with anything else, pushing my own inhibitions and fears aside in order to encourage and uplift her. This desire struck me powerfully when it hit me. It seemed to be at its core a selfless desire, wanting only to esteem and encourage her, even at my own expense. Never before had I felt such a thing.

It was the first time in my life that I realized that there were things out there that could affect me powerfully. I thought long about the experience for many days to come, thinking what kind of man I ought to become in response to such a striking experience. I've written much more about these strange romantic notions on my blog, for any who want to read more. I just thought I'd share this small snippet with you. I hope you enjoyed. Tell me what you think.

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