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Saint Elizabeth Ann Seton and her road to Catholicism

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She went back and forth, like a Ping-Pong ball.

First, she would read something in favor of the Church as a truth, possibly from the Council of Trent.

Then she would read Protestant tract contradicting what she had read from Catholic resources. Who and what should she believe? One thing is sure, however, she never gave up on God. She was having problems with some of His people on earth, but she knew that God loved her and would lead her where He wanted her.

She distanced herself from the Episcopalian church, but at the same time she did not go to the Catholic Church, unless it was with Antonio. She prayed with her children, and somehow the Hail Mary would find its way into their prayers, as well as many Catholic devotions. She would pass by Catholic Churches, lingering, trying to work up enough courage to go in, because that's where she truly wanted to be. But she was concerned also for her children. She didn't enjoy being ostracized by her former friends, but she could not bear to see her children hurt in any way. She was worried about them; would they be snubbed by the children of former friends of their mother, and why? What did they do?

This was truly the Dark Night of the Soul for Elizabeth Bayley Seton. She lived for months with attacks coming from all sides. She had to be alone. She separated herself from everyone and everything except the Lord. Towards the end of 1804, after almost a full year of should I, shouldn't I, from the time the Filicchis had begun to draw her into the Catholic Church, she finally broke. She described it to the wife of Antonio Filicchi, Amabilia. She shared how out of desperation, she became bold with the Lord.

"Would you believe, Amabilia, in a desperation of heart I went last Sunday to St. George's (Catholic) Church.

"...I looked straight up to God and I told Him: `Since I cannot see the way to please You whom alone I wish to please, everything is indifferent to me; and until You do show me the way You mean me to walk in, I will trudge on in the path You suffered me to be born in, and go even to the very Sacrament where I once used to find you.'

"...But if I left the house a Protestant, I returned to it a Catholic, I think, since I determined to go no more to the Protestants...

"...it finished calmly at last - abandoning all to God - and a renewed confidence in the blessed Virgin...

"...Now they tell me: take care, I am a mother, and my children I must answer for in judgment, whatever faith I lead them

"...That being so - I will go peaceably and firmly to the Catholic Church..."

On March 14, 1805, she made her profession of Faith to the Catholic Church, accepting all the doctrines of the Council of Trent.

On March 20, 1805, Elizabeth made her First Confession. She stated it to be one of the greatest experiences in her life. She exclaimed "It is done! Easy enough: the kindest, most respectable confessor is this Mr. O(Father O'Brien) with the compassion and yet firmness in this work of mercy which Iwould have expected fromOur Lord Himself."

On March 25, 1805, Feast of the Annunciation, she received First Holy Communion. This is the date given as the date of her entrance into the Catholic Church. She said of this occasion for which she had waited for over a year, "At last, Amabilia, at last, God is mine and I am His! Now let all go it round - Ihave received Him."

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