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Conflict Management and Non-Verbal Communication: Your Actions Speak Louder Than Your Words

By Carol Fredrickson

Republish: EasyPublish™ Published: 25Feb2012 Word count: 604 Viewed: 15 time(s) Get Free Content For Your Site

By now most of you have seen the picture of President Obama and Governor Jan Brewer taken in Arizona. Following this encounter, the Arizona Governor said on TV "I was trying to be gracious!" The picture sure tells a different story, doesn't it?

I think most of us would agree that it doesn't appear that Governor Brewer was being gracious. Take politics out of it and judge the picture just on what you see. Most of us do not like having a finger pointed at us, much less have one pointed in our face. I certainly am not privy to the conversation that the President and the Governor were having, but I am very clear that the Governor was not being gracious.

Non-verbal communication conveys very strong messages and can get us into real trouble, especially when we are attempting to de-escalate an angry person. Most times we focus on verbal communication and reason to calm the other person down. If you find yourself in that position and discover that nothing that you say is working, consider what your body language is telling the other person.

We all interpret non-verbal communication a little differently. Our life experience, our belief system and our judgments collectively help us interpret both words and body language. So, we never know what is going to trigger the other person's hostility. Our best bet is to be flexible both verbally and non-verbally.

If you are uncomfortable with conflict the chances are high that you will show this non-verbally. Here are a few non-verbal communication tips to help you when faced with an angry person:

1. Develop a neutral stance so your weight is evenly distributed over your feet at hip distance. Stand at least two feet away from the person that you are attempting to de-escalate. This neutral stance will give you a stronger presence.

2. If you are nervous or uncomfortable, push down on the balls of your feet. It is almost like you are pushing the adrenaline out of your body. This will help you to stop shaking.

3. Attempt to look the person in the eye even if you are uncomfortable with this. Most people who are nervous or afraid of conflict look down or away.

If you are comfortable with conflict and have a knack for de-escalation you may be seen as the aggressor. If you are aggressive in the way you de-escalate conflict, here are a few tips to follow:

1. Avoid pointing your finger and ensure that your hands are empty.

2. Avoid smiling as it may be seen as mockery or condescending behavior.

3. Be at the same eye level. If you are taller, avoid towering over someone, instead invite them to sit.

4. Ensure that your posture is upright and relaxed. Uptight or overly erect posture can be seen as extreme or commanding.

5. Relax your facial muscles as much as possible and look into the other person's eyes no more than 85% of the time. Constant, continual eye contact can escalate the situation.

The person who is angry wants to be heard. They will not begin to de-escalate until they feel that they are being heard. So make sure that what you say both verbally and non-verbally demonstrates that you are listening and engaged. We don't know exactly what will tick them off and escalate the situation, so be flexible and if one thing doesn't work then shift your body language which will change the result.

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