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Checking The Status Of Your Marriage After An Affair

By D Campbell

Republish: EasyPublish™
Published: 01Dec2011
Word count: 1479
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No one ever said it was going to be easy fixing your marriage after an affair. You still love your spouse and have no desire to end the relationship. Your mate feels the same way. They made a mistake but want to do everything possible to mend the damage.

That's commendable but you cannot help but wonder why they didn't think of this before having a fling. Regardless of how hard they are trying to make things right their actions have placed the marriage in a huge hole. Besides dealing with the shattered trust after an affair there is also the intense emotional pain. You cannot get the negative images out of your mind or the fact that your self-worth has taken a major hit.

You feel as if you are going crazy but nonetheless you are determined to work through this in order to save your marriage. But at this point in time you must step back to ask yourself whether or not your efforts are really working.

There are some indicators that can help significantly in tracking your progress.

1. Outbursts

When it comes to marriage after an affair, the conversation between you and your spouse can be very strained. That's not unusual. However, if the majority of discussions turn into shouting matches then there is obviously still a long way to go. The two of you have made the decision to stay together therefore restoring communication is vital.

No doubt your emotions are going to overwhelm you from time to time. You want your spouse to understand what their thoughtlessness did to you. But if that's the way it's going to be from now on then healing the relationship after an affair will be most difficult if not impossible.

2. The Decider

What your spouse did was wrong. Unfortunately you extend that to every part of the marriage. You feel it is your birthright to pass sentence on everything they say and do. In a twisted way marriage after an affair has given you a sense of power you never experienced before. You use their infidelity to take total control of the relationship.

The cheating spouse may go along with this out of guilt but the odds are it will not last. After a while they will shake it off and return to their old habits. It's not that you have no right to feel the way you do. It just means you have to exercise balance within the relationship.

3. Self-Sacrifice

You wonder why you should be the one to sacrifice anything. Yet if you want to save your marriage then there are going to be occasions when you must swallow your pride for the good of the entire relationship.

If you see your spouse getting overwhelmed by some of their household obligations then lend a hand. Whether they deserve your help is not the issue. The point is you are making a statement that the two of you are in this thing together. That's a powerful indicator that this marriage after an affair is on the right path to recovery.

For more information on making it through an extramarital relationship go to how to survive an affair

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