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How To Decide If You Want To Stay Or Go After Infidelity In Marriage

By D Campbell

Republish: EasyPublish™
Published: 12Dec2011
Word count: 1790
Viewed: 119 time(s)

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For some people to survive an affair the question of what to do is not even a question. As far as they are concerned the marriage is over. Their cheating spouse committed the ultimate betrayal and made a fool out of them. There is no way that they can be trusted anymore. As far as the injured party is concerned there is no way they are going to put themselves in a position to be hurt again. The marriage is over so goodbye and good riddance.

For others there is a forgive and forget mentality. They love their mate and want to get this behind them as quickly as possible and move the relationship forward. Of course this puts them in a vulnerable position of being cheated on again since they are in such a hurry that they don't slow down enough to deal with what happened.

However there is a third group who are not sure what they want. Their marriage partner hurt them badly to the point they are giving strong consideration to getting a divorce. Then at times they think about how much they care for their spouse and have really enjoyed the marriage up to this point so they tell themselves that to survive an affair reconciliation may be the best thing. But they just do not know.

If you fall into the last group then there are questions to ask yourself that can help make the final decision a lot more clear:

1. Have They Apologized?

You would think the answer to this would be an obvious yes. Unfortunately in a lot of circumstances that is not the case. Either the cheating spouse for whatever reason flat out refuses or they tippy toe around hoping that you will forget it all together as if what your upset about comes down to something trivial like whether they mowed the lawn or not.

And then there is the type of apology if they do provide one. Is it heartfelt or halfhearted? Is it filled with genuine humility and understanding of the wrong and the pain they caused you or is it one of anger, defensiveness and blame shifting?

2. Are You Both Ready To Work Hard To Restore The Marriage?

Now the onus for the most part is on the cheating spouse. Are they willing to go to counseling (if you ask) and alter their lifestyle so that it is crystal clear and shows they are serious about fixing the damage they caused to you and the marriage?

And what about you? This is a tough mountain to climb if you are to survive an affair and the emotional toll it can extract is just too much for some people that have been the victims. Think carefully about how willing you are to pay the price.

3. Does Your Spouse Want Out?

You may wish them to stay but you cannot beg them especially after they were the ones who committed the infidelity. They have to make that choice. Trying to hang on to someone that does not want to be there is pretty much a losing proposition. This is an answer you really should know first before you expend any time and effort trying to rebuild your marriage.

For more information on making it through infidelity go to how to survive an affair

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