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Top 5 Body Language Mistakes in Dating

By Dan McDonley

Republish: EasyPublish™ Published: 25Jun2009 Word count: 921 Viewed: 656 time(s) Get Free Content For Your Site

I find the most asked about topic with guys is body language. Nothing scares us more than knowing we are communicating something but not knowing what it is. The physical part of a woman's brain that interprets non-verbal communication is 30% larger than the corresponding part in a man's brain. Face it, if we are demonstrating insecurity they see it.

In general I feel we worry too much about our body language. Attempts to overtly correct it by thinking about the way we move and the way we stand often makes it worse because we become a caricature of ourselves. The insecurity in our body language wont be gone, it just gets perceived along with this stereotypical "alpha male" body language that many other companies teach.

The best way to develop good body language is to increase your confidence. When you stop caring what people think of you and you stop trying to be something other than you, that is when confidence will show through in your body language.

Despite this there are things we do that projects insecurity, neediness, or a strange vibe no matter how confident we are.

1. Eye Contact

This is a big one. Insecurity is shown by not looking someone directly in the eyes while you are talking. If you spend the majority time speaking or listening while looking anywhere else that is a big red flag.

Conversely if you are holding sustained eye contact bordering on 3 seconds or more and it isn't leading up to making out with her you are being too intense with your eye contact. I have met more guys who make this mistake "trying" to improve their eye contact than just about any other mistake. Make good eye contact, look away for just a brief second then return to their eyes.

2. The Handshake

So much is perceived in a handshake. If you are shaking a woman's hand in a weak way, it does not come off as gentle. Give a woman a firm handshake, it should be more firm than she is grasping yours but not in any way bone-crunching, save that for your buddies. Most men fall into being almost too gentle with their handshakes.

The distance you hands meet in relation to where you are is also a good indicator of your confidence. If you are bending over and stretching out your hand well past the halfway point you are demonstrating she has more value. If you are not extending your hand far enough to the middle you are demonstrating your insecurity and shyness. Approach, stand tall and extend your hand half way between you two. If there is another person to meet move your feet not just your hand to bridge the distance.

3. Posture

Everyone in the theatre, film, and television industry has known this for generations. The better your posture is the more confident you will appear. I regularly get surprised looks when I say my height, most assume I am much taller. Stand up straight and keep your shoulders back. If you have been going to the gym make sure you are stretching out your pectorals after lifting and working on the reverse fly to bring your shoulders back. A hunched forward weight lifter is not what you want to become.

4. Body Facing

The angle at which you are facing is an indicator of many things. Directly facing someone can be very intense, almost confrontational. I tend to generally meet someone head on then settle in to talking to them at about a ninety degree angle. If they are facing more toward you at times in the conversation when they are interested in what you say turn toward them more. If they are more relaxed or in a sitting position where they are facing out more at one hundred and eighty degrees (shoulder to shoulder) then mirror that a bit.

You don't have to be a slave to this, but if the person is facing you and very into the conversation you shouldn't be facing away from them and the opposite is true as well.

5. Being "Cool"

When I think of what is "Cool" I think of one of the guys at the bar sitting along the wall just hoping if they act cool enough someone might talk to them. Anyone I think is actually a cool guy is not trying to be cool, they are being warm and friendly.

If you take away all of the money and prestige who would you rather hang out with, Sean "Puff Daddy" Combs or Owen Wilson? Puff Daddy is quintessential cool, and I'm sure he's a nice guy, but I would much rather hang out with a fun, humorous, warm guy like Owen Wilson any day of the week.

The cool factor comes from not needing any one woman's attention. You are confident enough to get along with anyone and be a warm friendly guy without coming off being needy. So be warm, not "cool". Leave the body rocking, over the shoulder introductions, and leaning away for the guys who are trying to conceal their insecurities.

Strong, confident, assertive body language comes from increasing your confidence. I have never seen a confident man have bad body language, yet I have seen a lot of guys coming off extremely creepy because of some advice they are trying to follow. These 5 basics will get you on the right track, the rest will take care of itself if you build the life you want to be living as a confident, involved, social man.

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