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Putting the Brakes on Bullying

By Denny Hagel

Republish: EasyPublish™ Published: 26Oct2009 Word count: 1184 Viewed: 348 time(s) Get Free Content For Your Site

There has been a huge increase in the amount of attention given to the topic of bullying. Professionally, I have experienced an increase in the number of parents asking questions relating to bullying.

Parents are looking for insight, advice and suggestions as to how to they can help their children deal with the fact that they are being bullied.

There is nothing new about bullying. Ask anyone who has completed their school years and you will hear story after story of when they were bullied or of someone they knew who was bullied.

What IS different is today's parents are fed up with the entire scenario and are speaking out to officials in the school systems, teachers, other parents, and to anyone else willing to listen!

Most parents begin by sharing the fact that they have raised their children to be kind, compassionate and loving people who do not deserve to be victimized by this horrible, hateful, mean spirited, and cruel child who has inflicted the most devastating pain upon their child.

Now, before I share my thoughts with you, let me state that in NO way do I condone bullying of any kind in any way, shape or form.

Bullying is wrong and is NOT to be tolerated.

The effects of bullying can be devastating to a child. In fact, it can be so traumatizing that it has been known to leave emotional scars that carry into adulthood where they are found to be responsible for a host of psychological issues that cause great pain and suffering.

Bullying must be stopped!

My response is simple. You won't stop a bully by responding out of anger.

We must first reach back to the place where we taught OUR children to be kind, compassionate, and loving. Ask yourself if your intention was for them to be kind, compassionate and loving ONLY when they were met with kindness and compassion and love?

Next we must examine, from a place of compassion, what would make a child behave in such a horrible and negative way.

Research shows that a child who chooses to bully is most often acting out the results of his own unhappiness or what he has been taught.

Renowned author, Louise Hay, offers a terrific example of how a person with a scowling face would not have produced that by having joyous, loving thoughts!

What that tells us is that a child who is angry enough to want to inflict pain on to another child is not coming from a very positive or happy place.

When this is put into perspective, the only place for a kind, loving and compassionate person to go is to respond with kindness, love and compassion.

My suggestion to parents of children who are being bullied is to first, talk with your child and explain how sad it is that the child who is mistreating them is most likely a very unhappy person. This will reinforce in your child's mind that they did nothing to deserve this treatment and it is in no way their fault.

Second, ask your child how they would feel if they did not have the loving, supportive family that they have with you.

Ask them what they think they would be like if you had not been there for them, loving them and teaching them to be kind and compassionate...would they have known how important it is to have these qualities if they had not had you as parents.

Next, guide them to understand that the child who is inflicting pain upon them is in fact in pain himself.

Finally, suggest they react lovingly the next time they are approached by the bullying child. Encourage them to reach out and offer them friendship.

Notably, each situation is different. However, a creative parent can help their child find ways to connect with the bullying child in a way that is specific to his situation.

An example of this happened to me when I was about 8 yrs old.

There was a girl in my class, who from day one, decided I was someone she was determined to pick on. The bullying ran the gambit of name-calling to physically pushing me and taking my lunch to intimidating others to not be friends with me.

When I had experienced enough, (several weeks) I went to my parents. My father knew the family background of the child (I'll refer to her as Sue).

He explained to me that Sue did not have a father. He had left her family when Sue was very young and her mother had to go to work to support them. Sue was left alone much of the time.

My father also suggested that it was possible that Sue directed her anger towards me because I DID have a father and a family that was very involved in everything I did.

He suggested that instead of riding the bus to school the next day (which was when Sue was usually awaiting my arrival), he would drive me to school and together we would approach Sue and invite her to go with us to the local fair that was in town!

To be honest, I thought my father had lost his mind! I thought Sue would probably be nice to me in front of my father but as soon as he left she would return to her cruel ways. I was absolutely sure she would not accept the invitation. No way would she want to spend time with me. She hated me! Or so I thought.

Although she was hesitant, Sue did accept. She came with us to the fair and we all actually had fun. I could see that she was drawn to my father just as you would expect any child without a father would be.

My father treated Sue the same as he treated all of us. He took turns riding with each of us on the Ferris wheel and when he said, "Come on Sue, it's your turn," she had the biggest smile on her face!

I remember thinking that for as long as I had known her, I had never seen her smile before.

The bullying stopped. In time, Sue and I actually did become friends, although I think she enjoyed being with my family more that being with just me.

That was ok. My father had explained that what Sue really wanted all along was to be loved and to be able to experience being a part of a family with a father. She just didn't know how to go about getting it.

What parents must remember when their child is victimized by the horrors of being bullied is that the child doing the bullying is a victim too.

Regrettably, not all bullying situations can be alleviated through this type of approach. Some situations will unfortunately require more drastic steps be taken by involving authorities.

But before taking action out of anger, take some time to determine if your situation can be handled with kindness, compassion and love.

It may not be just your child's life you are impacting.

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