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Healing Parental Alienation Abuse - Lost, Kidnapped Child as Trauma or as Love

By Dr Jeanne King PhD

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Published: 17Dec2009
Word count: 523
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Is your lost, kidnapped child your trauma or your love? Your answer to this question is the cornerstone to your healing the trauma of parental alienation abuse.

I was stunned into an appreciation of the trauma replacing love as I was watching Private Practice last night. Violet had suffered her unborn child having been ripped from her womb by one of her mentally ill patients—a violation like none other.

And then she could not bond with this baby. It was as though her trauma took over the love. It was quite a horrific episode. The implications of Violet's assault carry lessons for anyone facing the abuse of parental alienation.

The Trauma of Parental Alienation Abuse

It is common for battered women to encounter legal domestic abuse in divorce when leaving an abusive relationship, whether they inspired the divorce proceeding or not. And the trauma of this abuse has the potential to live long after the blow—if you let it.

As we know from the current trends in family court, these mothers are commonly accused of parental alienation when they put forth allegations of spousal or child abuse. What happens, more often than not, is the battered spouse and protective parent then becomes a victim of parental alienation abuse.

She can be denied access to her children completely by the abusive, controlling and custodial parent. She can have the "pleasure" of restricted supervised visitation that carries a wealth of conflict for her and her children.

And in both of these scenarios, you can expect the children to be brainwashed to believe that this estranged mother doesn't love them, has abandoned them, doesn't want them...

These children can even be conditioned to fear her, to hate her, not to trust her...and, in extreme cases, not to want anything to do with her whatsoever. To the estranged parent, it feels like Hitler commanded your child to point the pistol and aim fire at you in cold blood. And from here, these mothers struggle with re-establishing a healthy relationship with their lost kidnapped children.

Trauma or Love

I liken it to the image in the Private Practice episode with Violet's child ripped right from her womb by this mad woman insisting that she had to take the unborn infant claimed to be her own...And then, deepening the blow, she leaves Violet's mutilated bloody body on the floor as though she was the waste after the delivery.

When you carry a child into the world, whether you have one day or ten years with them, and then are discarded as trash, the trauma can define your relationship with your lost, kidnapped child.

The very best thing you can do for yourself, for your child and for your relationship with your child is to clearly separate your trauma from your love for your child. As you do this, you open the door to heal the trauma and rekindle the unadulterated love for your child.

From here, you will discover your ability to heal the parental alienation abuse that you experience and help your child in healing their injuries, as well.

For more information about healing parental alienation abuse, I urge you to read Psychological Healing for Domestic Abuse http://www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com/psychological_healing.php and Domestic Abuse Healing from Within. http://www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com/healing_from_within.php. Dr Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people heal from domestic violence and legal domestic abuse. Copyright 2009 Jeanne King, Ph.D.

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