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Emotional Abuse Healing - What Is the Key to Healing From Domestic Violence and Legal Abuse?

By Dr Jeanne King PhD

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Published: 20Sep2011
Word count: 660
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Women in abusive relationships with their intimate partners at home, or with their soon-to-be ex-husbands in court, often believe that the abuse to them is about them. If you are one of these women, know this fact...It's not about you.

I was one of these women. Here's the belief I held and how I came to let it go.

In 1974, I had the blessing of being introduced to meditation and I fell in love with the way I felt doing the practice. My friends were turning to drugs and I was merely sitting to pull nighters in college and to feel well-being.

Over the decades, I continued the practice and it became the area of focus in my professional biofeedback and psychotherapy business. After doing my doctoral dissertation on the psychophysiology of meditation and its implications for psychotherapy, I knew that is where I belonged.

When family violence and legal domestic abuse entered into my life, the practice took a back seat to holding life together for my children and me. But still in the chaos of the court calamity, I always had a way back home to the quiet within.

The Lie: Home and Court Abuse Is Not About You

I'll never forget the final conversation I had with my attorney, that is my last (of many) attorneys. I told him that I didn't understand what the threat of a custody dispute was about...especially given that my soon-to-be ex was not an eligible candidate for custody. Legally he couldn't even ask the court for custody because of the court-documented abuse finding.

"What are his grounds for asking the court for sole custody?" I asked. My counsel said, "He says, 'You meditate.'"

Hearing those words in the context of the current trauma and tragedy before me with respect to my children's "kidnapping," affected me in ways I didn't fully realize until recently.

The Belief: Writing Replaces Meditation

Once I exiled myself to Sedona where I resided after my escape from legal domestic abuse, I couldn't return to meditation as a routine practice. I was in a spiritual "Mecca" and my psyche resisted sitting...because on a very deep level, I came to associate sitting meditation with my children being ripped out of my life.

I turned to other spiritual practices for healing and inadvertently discovered the natural high and healing in automatic writing. At first daily, and then regularly, writing became an integral part of my life. In many respects, you might say that it was the foundation for rebuilding my life after the abusive relationships at home and in family court.

The Choice: Meditation Augments Writing

Now, come with me and let's fast-forward this journey twelve years. All three of my children have aged out of the system. They are in their twenties and finding their own.

I moved to the Denver area eight years ago and surrounded myself with the beauty of the Rocky Mountains wherein I resume regular meditation practice. My oldest two sons moved here within the last year and my youngest son is venturing out behind them.

Fortunately, we are rebuilding these relationships. And coincidently, I re-introduced myself to another yoga practice that has helped me recognize how I held that lie all of those years.

The Conclusion: It's Not About You

If you are embracing some belief that is truly someone else's story, chances are you, too, will awaken to the fact that it's not about you. You get to choose your thoughts.

Seek to find those that support your highest good over those that support your opposition's campaign. For this, you will be most grateful and so will your children.

For more information about healing from abusive relationships, visit http://www.preventabusiverelationships.com/healing_from_within.php and claim your Free Instant Access to Survivor Success eInsights. Psychologist Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people nationwide recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse. © Jeanne King, Ph.D. — Domestic Violence Prevention

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