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Three steps to discovering why you're angry...

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Published: 21Nov2008
Word count: 640
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I want to show you three easy steps to not only discovering why you might be angry but how to get rid of the anger.

Most people accept anger as a part of life. We all feel justified when we get angry and we can point to all the people and reasons for it. Certainly no one in their right mind could disagree. We all shake our heads as we hear of yet another "idiot driver who almost killed me", the boss "who set me up to take the fall", the spouse "who knows just the right buttons to push to send me over the edge". We also know there are times when it is right to get angry at injustice and abuse but we must use that emotion to change the situations not just to vent. But in this article I'm referring to something very different.

I want to talk about that anger that sits like a lava pool just below the surface building and building until the most obscure incident makes it explode. I've been there and I know how damaging it can be. But most people feel like they have every right to be angry—their laptop just crashed, the copier will not print, their child just spilled milk after they told them to be careful, they "think" their spouse or co-worker just gave them a look...

So the eruption occurs. It's like the old marriage counselors comment "It's never about the burnt toast!"

But the anger is there and when it comes out it is usually damaging, so what do you do?

We immediately want to justify it, who wouldn't get angry at this or that? But justifying it doesn't help you resolve it, so unless you live in a perfect universe with no one else around, it needs to be resolved.

Now obviously this is a very deep subject with millions of variables, but I am going to give you some simple tools here to help you get started.

The first step is being aware. By this I mean instead of just letting the anger flow when it is tapped, stop and be aware of how you are feeling. Being introspective like this will put the focus back on you and off of others—that in and of itself can solve a lot of problems.

Step two is to ask yourself why this event made you angry. Did it hurt you—if so, how and why? What does it say about you? Did it threaten you; make you feel unsure, insecure, dumb or embarrassed? If you are a man, did it challenge your manhood or integrity? We have to accept that it's not natural to just have immediate rage, as so many do, over everyday events, so we need to discover why the pot is simmering.

Now I'm a guy and at first this "stop and think about what you are thinking about" and "how did that make you feel" went against everything my football, weight-lifting, martial arts mindset could imagine. But I finally got sick of allowing anger to rule my life, ruin relationships and limit my success. So if you really want to be manly about it—step up!

The final step, once you have identified some of the root causes, is NOT to lie down on a couch and talk about it for the next five years. Just let it go. Shine the light on it, expose it and let it go. Put it off and put on whatever it is you need to heal and replace that area of your life. Obviously this is not a one time process, it's a habit that you learn and develop, but these three simple steps can literally save your life—so try them.

Duke Clarke is a writer/coach/speaker who for the past 35 years has been teaching individual how to excel and be successful according to God's principles and a biblical point of view. To find out more information go to http://www.GodWantsYoutoProsperFamily.com or http://www.DukeClarke.com

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