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Secrets Men Don't Want Women to Know: Four Realities in a Man's World - Part 3

By Ed Bagley

Republish: EasyPublish™ Published: 23Feb2007 Word count: 1233 Viewed: 466 time(s) Get Free Content For Your Site

Copyright © 2007 Ed Bagley

(Editor's Note: Part 2 dealt with A Man's Five Basic Tendencies: 1) He believes he is indestructible. 2) He believes his reach should exceed his grasp. 3) He believes he will live forever. 4) He needs someplace to go, something to do and someone to love. 5) Listen carefully to what a man says but watch what he does; what he does is who he is.)

Four Realities in a Man's World

So men have five basic jobs and five basic tendencies. Now we must deal with four basic realties about men and world they live in.

1) How Men Are Judged. Our culture and society judge men by one yardstick more than any other: how much money do they make. A man who makes a lot of money is considered successful, even though he may be a lousy husband and father. He has little incentive to be something better.

This happens in part because men were traditionally perceived as the breadwinners of the family. That notion has long passed as more women need to work alongside their partner to support their family rather than remain home to raise their children.

Day care is everywhere. Too many kids come home and there is no parent in the house. Teens can get into trouble faster than they can turn around. They are also not as safe in today's world; they are easy targets for predators.

I am told that only 25% of families are traditional in the sense that there is a father and mother who are married with children in the house.

We have as many people who are apparently single, many of whom have live-in boyfriends and other assorted arrangements too numerous to mention. Too many of these "roommates" are bums and leeches who do not even have a job, they sit around all day and try to look smart when they are not causing harm to the children.

It is sad that so many women need what little, misguided attention they get so badly that they will support these jerks and put their children in harms way at the same time.

All of this does exactly nothing to relieve the pressure on the men who do work to produce more money. It also distorts a man's view of what is important and what is not important. Most men do not live a balanced life; their job or career dominates their life, many times to the exclusion of their marriage and children.

2) A man's work is his life. This is an extension of the first reality of how a man is judged, but it is also a fact of life.

Men tend to be fixated on their work and view their work as their greatest mission in life; they have been told that their greatest mission is really to love their wife and children and be a good husband and father, but they usually find this injunction easy to ignore. It is much easier for them to treat their wife and children as a necessary duty or afterthought.

If you are foolish enough to think that this is more false than true ask yourself why most married couples spent only 3 to 5 minutes a day actually talking to each other. Hint: It is not because they do not have the time to do so.

3) Men and women are not alike in some obvious ways, but they are also not alike in their basic needs.

Generally, women want security. They want to be provided for financially. This is why they will marry a guy old enough to be their father, or a guy who is not as attractive to them. Women always worry about having enough money, and the older they get without enough money the more they worry about it.

Generally, men want respect and recognition, whether they are financially successful or not. If the woman treats a man like a king and thinks that he made the moon and set the sun in place, the man is not likely to stray very far from home.

If not, he may well become an absent husband and father. This is true whether he is home or not.

4) Women need to understand that a misguided son (not a daughter, but a son) is the responsibility of the father, not the mother.

This is because women cannot always control a willful son whose male ego will not allow him to listen to a woman. It is his father who must set an example for him, and keep him in line.

Too few men know and understand that they cannot be too critical of their son or they will hurt his self-esteem and self-confidence, two qualities every successful, productive man must have to function competitively in society. A man should shower his son with encouragement and positive reinforcement.

Nothing is more distressing to a successful man and former successful athlete than to see a father who coaches his son's little league baseball team screaming at these youngsters for striking out in a critical situation or making a bad play.

Fathers who coach little league and cuss, scream, yell and berate youngsters are some of the biggest losers. Almost without exception they have been athletes who never did squat and are trying to overcome their shortcomings through their sons.

Do not be deceived by his cussing. Cussing is no more or no less than a sign of a low self-image. If you think listening to a man cussing on a recording is cute and so impressive because he is making a real statement about himself, you are wrong. It is not cute or appropriate at any time, and especially around children. Period. There are no exceptions.

Marry this man and you may live in hell. If he is overly critical of his son he will probably be overly critical of his daughter, his wife, his employer and his next door neighbor. This is a man who needs some professional help; you will not be able to overcome his ignorance.

A man of any age who will get a girl or a woman pregnant and then become absent forever is a lower life form, yet this is what happens all too often.

The reality is that not all men are cut out to be men, it is much easier for some of them to be totally self-centered and self-absorbed. Men who worry about their own happiness more than others lead a very unfulfilled life and pride themselves on their stupidity.

They become easy marks for evildoers and miscreants. Some of them end up in jail, others get killed in a deal gone wrong, but all of them lead miserable lives because they mortgaged their destiny by being irresponsible. They pay a heavy price and are no wiser in the end.

So women, now you know 14 things about men. Use this knowledge to better understand what drives men and why some men can be more interesting than others.

When you start making choices about what you should do with boys and men in the friendship cycle, the dating cycle, the relationship cycle and the marriage cycle, always remember this: listen to a man but watch what he does. What he does is what you get. Do not be fooled, be smart in your choices.

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