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How to know if he is right for you in minutes not months

By Eileen Edwards

Republish: EasyPublish™ Published: 19Apr2009 Word count: 909 Viewed: 265 time(s) Get Free Content For Your Site

Psychologist's talk about a technique called thin slicing. This technique allows the observer to draw conclusions about the subject's behaviour in a variety of situations by observing them for a short time in a more limited situation.

For example a lot of large companies such as airlines and banks invite potential employees to their premises for a day. The potential employees are then observed as they take part in a number of group exercises. This allows them to be assessed for various character traits.

You can do something similar when you go on a date. A date contains three elements that are present in long-term relationships. Advertising the relationship to the world-also known to psychologist's as tie signs, eating or drinking together, reaching an agreement about the future.

People on a date often hold hands or have their arms around each other's waists or shoulders. Normally more touching takes place than in other social situations. There is also a lot of eye contact. People who are on a date, out together socially or in family groups stand or sit closer together than strangers. Psychologists use the term tie signs because holding hands, sitting close together etc show anyone observing that they are together rather than simply occupying the same space at the same time.

On most dates some elements of eating or drinking together will take place. Eating and sex are the only two human behaviours that are not totally under conscious control. His attitude to food could give you useful clues on his attitude to sex as explained later.

A restaurant is the best place for a first date as it gives you an opportunity to talk with and observe your date. Failing this a Tapa's bar or a wine bar serving snacks could be a good alternative Places to avoid are anywhere noisy or crowded where it will be difficult for you to talk with and observe your date.

So what can you learn about a man on a date? You can gain three important pieces of information, his attitude to people, to money and to sex. Gaining this information in a few hours from a relative stranger might sound like a tall order. However it's perfectly possible when you keep your eyes open and use the insights of psychology.

At the start of your date does arrive on time appropriately dressed for the occasion? To keep you waiting or arrive looking untidy is clearly a negative sign as it shows lack of respect for you and people in general.

During the date don't focus on how he behaves towards you but on how he behaves towards others, people who are not important to him. He will obviously be pleasant to you, as he wants to create a good impression. If he isn't he has definitely disqualified himself from becoming your future life partner. The way he behaves towards the waiter or taxi driver shows the way he really feels about people and the way he is likely to treat you in future if you do become his life partner.

When it comes to ordering food ask him to recommend something for you. Of course you can choose for yourself but asking him to recommend something will give you an insight into his character. Does he say have whatever you like? Or suggest the most expensive thing on the menu? If so he is saying" I want you to have a good time, you mean more to me than money?" If he chooses the cheapest thing on the menu this is not a good sign. If he seems very indecisive its important to be aware that people who are indecisive over small things are indecisive over big ones too like choosing a life partner.

Eating and sex are the two human activities, which are not totally under conscious control. A sloppy eater is likely to be sloppy in the bedroom. If your date has very precise requirements when it comes to food such as he can only eat his soup at a certain temperature. He would probably also have very particular requirements when it comes to sex.

At the end of the meal observe how he deals with paying the bill. Of course you don't always expect him to pay when you are out together. Allowing him to do so on this occasion can provide you with some useful information.

Does he check that the amount is correct then pay leaving a reasonable but not excessive tip? Or barely glance at the bill and leave an extravagant tip. Or analyse every item on it before paying. The man who checks, pays and leaves a reasonable tip has a balanced attitude towards money the other two don't.

Finally at the end of the evening you'll make an agreement about the future such as to meet again or be in touch by phone or email. Future planning and negotiation are something that life partners engage in. You are doing that here in a small way.

Hopefully you will have had a great date and want to see him again. If not be honest but tactful about it Either way you are both winners. You'll know if he is life partner materiel as far as you are concerned. If not you are both free in hours to part on good terms and continue your individual searches for a partner.

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