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A question of trust

By Eileen Edwards

Republish: EasyPublish™ Published: 17Aug2009 Word count: 651 Viewed: 206 time(s) Get Free Content For Your Site

Without trust we couldn't get through a single day. Trust and co-operation allow human beings to function both singly and as a group For example, we trust the train or bus driver to get us to work, the car mechanic to keep our vehicle roadworthy, supermarkets and restaurants to supply us with safe, clean food. Human society could not exist without trust.

This article looks at trust on a more personal level. It raises and answers the following questions, how can we build trust, how do we know if we should trust others and what to do about people that we can't trust.

Building trust is simple we do this by keeping our promises. Whether the promise is to meet someone, call or text them, supply them with certain information or help them in some activity such as completing a report, organising a dinner party. Sometimes we can't keep our promises due to circumstances beyond our control such as illness, train strike for example. These instances should be few and far between and any reasonable person would be understanding in these circumstances. The important thing is not to make promises that we don't intend to keep or promises that we may have difficulty in keeping.

It's far better to decline an invitation politely rather than simply not show up. If we think that we will have difficulty in keeping a promise then its important to explain this at the outset. Your explanation could be along these lines " I'll meet you at six o'clock unless I have to work late in which case I will call you". Or "I'll be happy to lend you that book if I still have it I'll check my bookshelf and let you know" This way we don't mislead or disappoint others needlessly. They always know where they stand with us.

Finding out who we can trust is simple too. Do they keep their promises? If they do then they can be trusted. Its important here to look not at what a person says but what they actually do. You can test this by asking the person in question to do you a small favour such as pick up a newspaper or item of shopping for you when you next meet. You'll give them the money when they arrive. If you and your needs are unimportant to this person they are unlikely to remember. If they fail the first time do give them a second chance as they may have been having a particular pressured day. If the relationship is a more impersonal one which may not include face to face meetings you could ask the person to email you a piece of information by a certain time.

Finally, how to deal with people that we can't trust. The answer is not to cause ourselves disappointment and frustration by depending upon them. A client of mine needed a babysitter and asked a friend to help out. She became very angry when at the last minute the friend declined sending her boyfriend around with a note to say that she could not baby-sit. My client's response was to go to the friend's house and bang on her door, which she refused to open and shout at her through it. Whilst I can understand her frustration this was not behaviour to be recommended. With hindsight my client regretted it. I asked how she could have done things differently and her reply was "not to storm around to her friend's house". This made sense as storming around to her friend's house did not solve the problem, it made her look and feel foolish. My client's friend had agreed to baby-sit then cancelled at the last minute on numerous previous occasions. Why would this one be any different? The problem began when my client placed her trust in someone who her experience told her could not be trusted in this situation.

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