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Seeking a life partner-you must avoid this common mistake

By Eileen Edwards

Republish: EasyPublish™ Published: 11Apr2009 Word count: 705 Viewed: 218 time(s) Get Free Content For Your Site

When seeking a life partner most women start off with just one possible life partner who is chosen by default. In other words he is chosen because he has asked them out. They then spend months or even years hoping that he will become their life partner.

There is another and better way. By using a method that I call the "dating funnel" you can greatly increase your chances of finding a partner who is right for you. What's more you can greatly speed up the process. Here is how it works. Picture a funnel or better still draw one on a piece of paper. Related to dating the open end represents the start of your search for a life partner. This involves getting to know a number of potential life partners, males you meet whilst socialising, at work, evening class etc.

You then narrow your search represented by the narrowing of the funnel as it becomes clear that some possible partners are not right for you. The funnel eventually narrows to a very narrow point representing the final candidate best suited to you. If you have ever selected a hairdresser, gardener, builder or personal trainer this concept will be familiar to you. You choose a number of possible people who could supply what you need and then refine your choice.

You do this by talking to people who have already used their services, taking up references and checking what trade or professional organisations they belong to. When it comes to a life partner it's a case of observing their behaviour and applying the insights of psychology as I teach my clients. What other people say can be relevant but the most important insights will come from you. So it's important to use your own judgement. You may be thinking " but that's so unromantic". If so you probably feel this way because it doesn't follow what we see in romantic films and stories. That is eyes meeting across a crowded room leading to romance, passion and everlasting love".

The truth is that " falling in love" as described above often leads to bitter disappointment. That's why I recommend, " walking into love". In this model you keep an open mind as to whether or not this person is right for you. You take the steps to commitment together walking hand in hand. If he proves not to be the right person for you, you are left with other options. That has to be better than being left out on a limb after investing months or years in a relationship not going where you want it to.

From dealing with my one to one clients I know that their possible future partner's ideas of and hopes for the future often do not dovetail with theirs. In extreme cases he has no interest in being her life partner and has even said so.

Interestingly these women usually tell me that "their boyfriends" have difficulty in expressing themselves." None of my clients have ever told me that a boyfriend who was saying " you are beautiful", "I love you" or "I want to be with you for ever" had difficulty in expressing himself.

We are all resistant to hearing things that we don't want to hear. It is totally understandable that a woman who has invested months or years in a relationship resists hearing " It's not working out", " I need some space" or even " I don't want to see you again". Learning to use the dating funnel means that you never have to be in that position. Or if you have been there in the past then you don't have to again.

As you spend time with your possible future life partners you will begin to see whose company you really enjoy. Who shares your hopes and dreams for the future. You can do this quite quickly, in one or two dates using the principles of psychology.

When you are seeking a life partner time spent with someone who does not want to be your partner or isn't right for you is time wasted. You could be sharing this precious time with your future life partner. Gentlemen if you are reading the dating funnel is unisex you can use it too.

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