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How to get more dates by fishing in the right pond

By Eileen Edwards

Republish: EasyPublish™ Published: 01May2009 Word count: 906 Viewed: 252 time(s) Get Free Content For Your Site

In fairy stories the handsome prince beats a path to our door slaying several dragons on the way. There's no need for us to go out and look for him. In reality the woman who stays at home every night is unlikely to meet her ideal man. So it's important to get out and socialise.

That's obvious you may be thinking. However just socialising in itself won't necessarily produce potential partners. Success in meeting potential partners depends on how we socialise. We have to socialise in the right places.

Socialising in the wrong places in this context could mean spending most of your free time in all female environments such as at the bingo hall or all-female exercise class.

Of course you want to go on seeing your girlfriends but it's important to socialise in environments were you will meet males if you are serious about finding your ideal man. For example you might go for an evening at a dog track or casino instead of bingo.

Or suggest that you and your girlfriends go to car maintenance class as well as yoga. Fishing in the wrong pond can occur in less obvious ways than those described above. Here is a story about one of my one to one clients, which illustrates the point.

A young woman we will call Carol came see me seeking increased self-confidence. One aspect of her life that she was unhappy about soon came to the fore. She didn't have a boyfriend although most of her friends did. She wanted a permanent relationship but never seemed to meet any new men.

When I asked about her previous boyfriends and how they had come into her life all became clear She was fishing in the wrong pond. Carol was in her late twenties and had been part of the same group of four female friends since she was at school.

The group had always socialised together. Over the years the other three women had met their life partners. They were now in live in relationships which left carol as the only single in the group. When asked how she had met boyfriends in the past she said that it was as a result of single males joining her social group.

I asked how she hoped to meet boyfriends in the future. She replied, "Wait until new single males join the group". This strategy was not only passive putting her at the mercy of chance it was also totally impractical.

I pointed this out by asking how other members of her social group responded when single males attempted to join them. Her answer was predictable. The males in the group discouraged them. The social group she had used years ago, as a means of meeting new men was no longer viable for this purpose.

It was now a group of couples with her as the only single. The males in the group viewed men from the outside approaching it as competition for their partners. Hardly surprising then that they were not made welcome. Additionally the group spent more and more time in each other's homes. Evenings watching a video and sharing a take away suited their lifestyle. Such evenings were totally useless to Carol in searching for her life partner.

We agreed that without abandoning her old friends Carol would seek new single friends to socialise with. Which she did greatly increasing her chances of meeting her ideal man.

So what is the right pond you may be asking? For most women it's any place where they can meet men who are available to become their future life partner. This surprise, surprise could be a work related training course'your local park or supermarket. In fact any place that contains people.

A common mistake most women searching for a partner make is to be on the outlook for him only whilst socialising. Psychologists speak of a technique called random and specific search. It can be used in many situations and works well when applied to dating.

Males go to evening classes, do their grocery shopping, take the dog for a walk, attend work related courses/conferences, he may even go to a unisex hairdresser. In short males do pretty much all the things that we do giving us lots of opportunities to meet them.

Of course I am not suggesting that you give your home number to every pleasant man you exchange a few words at the park or Railway Station. The thing is to keep your eyes open and see the great men that are all around you.

By only attempting to find a partner whilst socialising you have been limiting your chances by at least 90%.Now you know that there are great men everywhere you can start to meet and interact with them.

Situations in which you will have an opportunity for ongoing meetings such as educational classes, hobby or interest groups are particularly useful as you will have a chance to get to know this man over time and see how he behaves in a number of different scenarios.

As you can imagine the technique of random and specific search is particularly useful to women who have little time to socialise due to long working hours or family responsibilities. Do try it whatever your circumstances it will definitely lead to you enjoying an increased number of dates giving you a greater choice when it comes to you finding a life partner.

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