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How to find Mr Right and avoid Mr Wrong

By Eileen Edwards

Republish: EasyPublish™ Published: 06May2009 Word count: 1017 Viewed: 433 time(s) Get Free Content For Your Site

Have you been watching "The Apprentice"? It's currently my favourite T.V. programme. As a psychologist I find it fascinating to watch how the personalities of the, would be apprentices come to the fore.

Its particularly interesting to see how Sir Alan uses his business knowledge together with his gut instinct to choose his apprentice. Much of the choosing involves eliminating would be candidates who he does not consider right for the job.

That reminds me of a technique called the "dating funnel" which I formulated as an effective means of choosing a life partner. Its called the dating funnel because it works on the principle of a funnel. The wide end at the top represents your potential partners. Don't believe the scarcity myth. There are lots of men out there who could be compatible with you as a life partner.

By dating you find out who you get along with, whose company you enjoy and who has similar views to you about the lifestyle that he would like to live in the future. In other words you find out whose needs and attitudes best dovetail with yours. In looking for the man with whom you will share your future you will meet men who may be a great partner for someone else but not you. You'll simply say this honestly but tactfully allowing you both to continue the search for your ideal partner.

This stage is represented by the narrowing of the funnel.Eventually you reach the narrowest part of the funnel, which represents the point at which you find your one ideal man. In your search you will meet some types of men who are better avoided. This being so it's important that you are able to recognise them.

They fall roughly into six categories as explained below. The violent aggressive man . Violent men generally have a short fuse. Tend to have a high opinion of themselves. They may see slights were none are intended. They always have to be "right" even over the smallest of issues that most of us would not concern ourselves too much about. He may be fine in his behaviour towards you at this stage. However this won't last. Looking at how he treats waiters, taxi drivers currently will give a preview of how he is likely to behave towards you in the future. My friend we will call her Gail was dating a man for eighteen months with whom she only ate out twice. Both occasions ended in him practically having fistfights with waiters, which only her intervention prevented. When their relationship ended I was not surprised to hear that this was due to him becoming violent towards her.

The addict The most important thing in an addict's life is his addiction be it drink, drugs or gambling. Thoughts of the addiction are present at some level of mind during every waking moment. This person's life revolves around and is dominated by his addiction. He doesn't have space in his life for a relationship so for practical purposes he is unavailable. The fact that a man likes a drink or a bet does not of course make him an addict. However someone who can't get through a day without a specific substance or a particular activity is likely to be addicted.

The bottomless pit-This man always has and seems to attract problems. He handles money badly, loses jobs or quits after a few weeks, seems unable to settle and get on with life. He constantly needs your help often in the form of small or large cash loans or your negotiating skills to get him out of his current usually self inflicted set of problems. He is not inclined to take responsibility for himself and generally finds someone or something outside himself to blame as the cause of his problems. You'll soon feel more like his Mother than his lover if you get involved with this man. However much help you give he is going to need more. If you don't recognise this man within your first couple of dates you certainly will within your first few weeks together.

The chronically indecisive-This man has difficulty in making the smallest of decisions such as what clothes to wear, what to eat for lunch or which route to take to work. Being in a relationship with a chronically indecisive man is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, imagine trying to make joint decisions with this man.Secondly, a man who has difficulty in making decisions generally will also be indecisive about his relationships.

The nail biter-Nail biting is a normal and not uncommon behaviour in children. In adults it can be simply a bad habit or it can be a sign of inwardly directed aggression. The person who is directing his aggression inwards has a problem. This does not apply to all nail biters. However its something that you need to be aware of as passive/aggressive behaviour is difficult to live with.

Men who already have a partner-I don't mean by this someone who is separated and in the process of divorcing. It's the ones with current partners to whom I am referring. Someone who already has a life partner can't be looking for one or if he is he doing things in the wrong order. He needs to first end his current relationship if he can't mend it, and then look for a new partner. Men in this category often can be found socialising a long way from home. This in itself is not evidence that he is attached. However if he also rarely contacts you, you meet only occasionally and have little or no means of contacting him he probably is.

The above does not imply that we females are perfect. Or that the men mentioned in the above categories may not change particularly if they seek professional help. My aim here is to point out the significance of certain behaviours and what they may tell us regarding the future of a relationship.

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