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Article Directory :: Social Articles
"Britain's Got Talent" We seem to love this show and are only too eager to applaud its acts, the lady who plays two flutes with her nostrils, the young rock star look alike who sings opera and the great groups of street dancers to name just a few.
We love to celebrate the talents and abilities of others and yet many of us find it hard to acknowledge our own talents and abilities. What's this got to do with dating? According to a question I am frequently asked a great deal. The question basically comes in this form " Why would anyone want me as a life partner"? Or" What's attractive about me"?
We are unique individuals and have unique tastes in partners. In other words one person's ideal man or woman could pass unnoticed by others. We can however generalise to some extent. Research has shown that people of both sexes like their partners to be kind, intelligent and look healthy.
But back to you, there is a human tendency to overestimate the skills, talents and capabilities of others whilst underestimating our own. Clearly this can be a disadvantage to us in many situations. It certainly does us no favours in trying to get to know the opposite sex.
If we don't have the confidence to ask for or accept a date, or even talk in a relaxed manner with members of the opposite sex finding a partner is going to be an uphill struggle. Here's a practical exercise that you can do right now which will help.
Get yourself a stack of index cards from your local stationers or supermarket. Choose a time when you will be undisturbed for at least half an hour and settled down somewhere comfortable with your cards. On each card you will write something that you have accomplished. Start from when you where in school and work your way through your life up to the present moment. You'll record the things that you feel pleased and proud of yourself for doing. For example you may have won a prize for art, sport or music at school. You may have been the most popular/friendly girl or boy in your class. You may have been good with animals or the person your friends always confided in if they were upset.
As a teenager were you a great dancer? Did you support a friend or relative through a difficult time? Take a part time job to help with family expenses? Have a hobby that you showed a particular talent for?
As an adult what have you achieved in your career? What career related qualifications have you gained? Who did you help along the way? Write down all your achievements and you will soon see your stack of cards growing at an impressive rate. Your accomplishments may be public like passing an exam or private like helping a good friend or relative through an illness. They can be large like gaining a promotion or recognition in your field or small, taking care of your sister's cats so that she can enjoy her holidays without worrying about them.
Whether it's making great cakes, being good with machines or always remembering people's birthdays it's an accomplishment so add it to your cards. I have never suggested this exercise to anyone who has not been amazed by just how much they had achieved in their life to date.
On completing this exercise you'll see just how much you have going for you. Most importantly so will others. Your newfound confidence will come across when you meet them. You'll find it easier to talk with the opposite sex confidently and to ask for or accept a date. When you value and appreciate yourself others will follow your lead, leading to you meeting new friends and potential partners.
To learn more about having relaxed confidence with the opposite sex see http://www.eileenedwards.co.uk
Eileen is a psychologist who turned around her own life in the area of relationships using the insights of psychology. She now helps others to do the same. You can email her at eileen@eileenedwards.co.uk
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