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I want my boyfriend back but I don't know if he really cares for me. One day he seems to want to get back together; the next day he doesn't return my call. Does this sound familiar? If this is your problem, read on to see what happened to Paula when she was in this situation.
Paula's Story
My boyfriend Terry dumped me after we had been together for six months. I was really in love and I thought Terry loved me too. There were no warning signs to indicate that he might be thinking of ending our relationship. One day out of the blue he said we were finished. He dumped me without any warning.
I was heartbroken and I begged him not to break up with me. I did everything I could think of to get my boyfriend to come back to me. I called him several times a day. When he didn't answer my calls, I sent text messages to let him know I still loved him and wanted him back. This went on for weeks, but I didn't hear from Terry.
When I took some advice, I found out that this was exactly the opposite of how I should be behaving. So, I followed the advice I received and stopped trying to contact my ex boyfriend. I was just starting to feel that I was getting over the pain of breaking up, when my ex boyfriend phoned me. We talked on the phone for over half an hour and it was as if we had never split up. I went over to his apartment and it was as if the breakup had never happened. I still loved him deeply and I thought he felt the same about me. I stayed the night.
Terry didn't call me but I kept waiting and hoping. Eventually, I tried calling him but he didn't answer his phone. I have heard nothing from my ex boyfriend for a whole week now. I thought we had got back together. I want my boyfriend back, but I don't know if he wants me. I am so confused and hurt.
This is the point where Paula decided to get some help to deal with her relationship with her ex boyfriend.
Paula made a big mistake. She misread her ex boyfriend's motives. She is still in love with him and assumed his advances meant that he still loved her. We can't know what was in Terry's heart that night. What we can see is that Terry's behaviour towards Paula since then is not that of somebody in love. If he loved Paula,he wouldn't be ignoring her after their night together.
Receiving the call she had longed for, made Paula react in completely the wrong way. She should have kept this first communication to a brief conversation. She should have acted in a friendly manner while keeping her distance and not giving away her feelings. She should not have rushed over to her ex boyfriend's house after one phone call. By doing this, she has shown her ex it doesn't matter how badly he behaves. She has given him the power to manipulate her and he has used it.
This is a hard lesson for anyone to learn. Paula's self respect is in shreds. She feels humiliated. The agony of losing her boyfriend has been stirred up again. She now has to face the fact that her ex boyfriend doesn't want to get back with her. She has been left with the unhappy thought that maybe he never really loved her and was just using her right from the start.
Unfortunately, Paula let her heart overrule her head. When she received an unexpected call from her ex boyfriend, she forgot all about pride and self esteem. She should have given herself a breathing space to get over the surprise of hearing from him. She should have arranged a meeting for a later date on neutral territory. She should not have gone running straight over to his home. If Paula had known the rules to follow, she would not have made those mistakes. If she had taken expert advice, she would have known that the first rule of getting back with your ex is "Don't try to rush things".
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