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How to have a New Year free of stress

By Elsabe Smit

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Published: 19Nov2009
Word count: 753
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At the time of writing this article, the year 2010 is just over 6 weeks away. That will be the beginning of a new decade. It feels like yesterday when we were celebrating the new millennium and the birth of a new world.

What happened to your New Year's resolutions for 2001? And for the subsequent years? Has your life improved significantly over the past decade as a result of your New Year's resolutions and all the changes you have made in your life? Has your life become completely stress-free, happy and abundant?

I think I know the answer to my question, even if I don't know you. The same answer applied to me for many years while I was just plodding along and living my life. Or at least I thought I was living my life.

At the time I thought that life was what came my way, and what I made of whatever came my way. I was passive, and at times I really felt like a victim.

I had various life experiences that shook my belief in myself. I wondered about the reason for my being here. I often felt astonished at how cruel people and life could be. For one, my own mother could not bear the sight of me. That was one of my first lessons in this life - stay away from your mother, and if you have to deal with her, make sure you try and please her or bear the consequences.

If she had treated all her children the same way, all the fingers would have been pointed at her. But she treated my sister and brothers in a different way, which clearly meant that I must have done something very nasty to her.

It took me years to realise that the way my mother behaved towards me was one of the most significant lessons I had to learn in this life. I do not mean that in the sense of having made a mistake and having had to bear the consequences of my actions. My lesson was in that my mother played a significant role in me acknowledging my own true value. Her behaviour towards me resulted in much introspection. From this I learnt that the value I attach to myself does not come from other people. My own value comes from me appreciating who and what I am.

That insight was the first and most significant in my life. The moment I understood exactly what role my mother played in my life, I saw other key players in my life in a different light. Slowly I came to understand that there is a hidden pattern in my life - and in the lives of other people.

The more I delved into this, the more I discovered a different reality that made complete sense to me.

My own research has uncovered a massive body of knowledge that I started to apply in my own life. I came to see more patterns, more processes, more relationships between people and nature. I became aware of a different reality.

I learnt that some things happen to us because they are inevitable, while other things happen to us because they are part of a much bigger plan. I learnt how to distinguish between the things I had to change and the things I had to accept.

Another big consequence for me was to see how my fear of the future first got diluted and then disappeared. I am now in a space where I can have New Year's resolutions based on a certainty and a sense of knowing. This gives me a focus for my future, and it places me in charge of what will happen to me. I am 95% sure where I will be this time next year. I can work towards what is inevitable for me, and be excited about it. The 5% uncertainty is, in a way, also in my hands. That is a margin I can comfortably live with.

I do not need to wait for the New Year to make any New Year's resolutions. I simply allow my resolutions to bubble up, and then see how they materialise.

Of course this reduces my stress level significantly, and as a result I am blessed with a healthy body. Where any part of my life is not perfect, I can look for the imperfection and find the beauty in it, without fear or guilt. My New Year's Resolutions always happen, because I am in charge.

Elsabe Smit is a professional transition coach, helping individuals and businesses to achieve their personal and commercial objectives. What is the one thing which is consuming all your energy at the moment? Visit her website for details on the SMIT-method for stress relief.

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