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Effective Parenting Advice For The Special Teen Years

By Jason Drohn

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Published: 08Apr2012
Word count: 12328
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Parenting during the teen years is a rite of passage for both the children and parents. There is really nothing quite like the degree to which the entire family dynamic can change during these years. Indeed, this is a struggle for both you and your teen children. It seems like everything has suddenly changed, and maybe it feels like the child you knew is no longer there. Maybe you are feeling completely inadequate because everything you do is criticized by your children. Sometimes it can feel like all normal communication has fallen apart. Take heart - all systems are operating normally.

There is such a tremendous amount of change occurring in teenage children, and actually many could be offended by being called, teenage "children". The later teen years would be a time to more accurately refer to them as young adults. The most important thing to realize is teens are slowly entering the time to become more independent of the family structure, or unit. That implies they are becoming more independent of their parents - you. You know this, but they are in the process of moving away psychologically and obviously in a physical manner, eventually. It is also completely normal and common for teens to want to spend more time with their friends than with their own family. This is also part of the separation process and gaining a greater sense of freedom and independence. So if you ever insist that your teenage son or daughter join the family rather than stay home or be with their friends, then you are essentially butting heads with nature. If it leads to a family argument, you are arguing with nature and that is the sole source of it. Unless there are extenuating circumstances, it is best to understand these very normal and natural feelings your child is experiencing.

Sometimes one parent can feel more discouraged and concerned with this intense desire for the teen child to begin pulling away. That parent is usually the mother, and there are natural reasons for that to happen. Mothers are who they are, they are the ones who nurtured their children; we are speaking in general terms here. While we understand this can be a difficult realization for a mother, she needs to make the supreme effort to accept what is happening. If the mother gets too caught up in her own emotions and makes a greater effort to resist, then that can and usually leads to more conflict. It is true that all things are on an individual basis, but in general both parents need to begin slowly loosening the reigns - within practical reasons, of course. Parenting during the teen years is usually shorter in duration, thankfully, because they can be highly stressful for both parents and children. A lot of times your healthy and positive parenting practices from earlier years can pay off in good ways, though.

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