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What is Attachment Disorder?

By Jordan Burke

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Published: 17Feb2010
Word count: 544
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What is attachment disorder and how does it happen? Well, as a therapist with a specialty in this area and someone who as worked with children for 20 years in a therapeutic capacity, I will draw on my observations. This is the attachment disorder that breaks families apart and drives parents to the point of insanity. There are children who are insecurely attached and they may be withdrawn and have an inability to be close, but that is a lot easier to live with than children who have full-blown attachment disorder.

I do believe we are all on the continuum somewhere, having issues of trust of others, etc. We all may do our part to push others away, but the children I am talking about try to make adults crazy, in an effort to feel better themselves. Many of the children I work with are adopted, perhaps through the state system or international adoptions. Also, by the time they come to see me, the parents have run out of options, and have been doing a great deal of research to find out what's wrong. The ones I see are often on the more severe end of the continuum, not the ones who are withdrawn. Traditional therapy is more likely to work with them.

Secure attachment can be broken with the mother in utero or during the first 2 years of life, to the level that it affects that child on a severe level. I've worked with children who have been adopted at 3 days old but still show severe symptoms because who they are has never let the adoptive parents love them, and they have failed to bond. This is not a conscious decision to not bond - it is cellular. The child has learned in utero life is not safe - I must control things myself to be safe and if I trust anyone else, I will die. This is the lesson learned by them from their birthmother. "You cannot meet my needs so I will meet my own" and this transfers to all others. Life or death is what it means to them.

In healthy maternal care, the following are required for development of trust and attachment: eye contact, food, touch, comfort, verbal and emotional contact, play, smiles, mirroring effect, and consistency. Now all children develop it. It seems that highly sensitive and intelligent children are more likely to refuse to attach to new caregivers. It is comparable to the question of "what makes one person a survivor while the another one who has been abused continues the negative path?" We don't really know. Perhaps the brief moment of knowing a birthmother's love is enough. What was the pregnancy like?

This attachment disorder affects the child's development and personality. Even though they may grow up in a loving environment post-adoption, they do everything in their power to create chaos. Their brains appear to be wired differently - we sometimes call it upside down parenting. The children do not respond to reasoning or consequences. Everything becomes a battle and the child is out to win. Because they need to stay in control!

I could write forever about symptoms and behaviors of attachment disorder in adoptive children as it affects the child and the families.

Jordan is a therapist, author, entrepeneur, traveler. Check out my website at www.theattachmentgroup.org. If you are into self-improvement, you can check out these free niche private label right products. .

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