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Dangerous Coaching Conversations

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Published: 16Dec2009
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Are you supporting dangerous conversations?

If you provide coaching or training via telephone you will invariably hear statements like these from your clients or students: "I am really busy today and am driving to a meeting so if you hear some background noise while we are talking disregard it." Or, "I'll be attending today's telephone conference while driving to a client so I'll put myself on mute so I won't distract the class."

Because I do emotional intelligence coaching, which usually evokes emotion, I have never supported my clients to be in a session with me while driving. I have, in the past, said OK to students listening in to a class while driving. But not any longer. I am not worried about them distracting the class. I am worried about the class distracting them while they are driving.

Extensive research shows the dangers of distracted driving. Studies say that drivers using phones are four times as likely to cause a crash as other drivers, and the likelihood that they will crash is equal to that of someone with a .08 percent blood alcohol level, the point at which drivers are generally considered intoxicated. Research also shows that hands-free devices do not eliminate the risks, and may worsen them by suggesting that the behavior is safe.

So DUPI (driving under phone influence) is highly likely to cause you to crash and injure yourself or others or worse. This story from the NY Times is a sad example: "Mr. Hill was so engrossed in the call that he ran a red light and didn't notice Linda Doyle's small sport utility vehicle until the last second. He hit her going 45 miles per hour. She was pronounced dead shortly after." Later, a policeman asked Mr. Hill what color the light had been. "I never saw it," he answered. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/19/technology/19distracted.html

I must admit I have used my cell phone while driving many times. When I read the reports and discovered that I was as dangerous as someone driving under the influence, I could no longer condone my phoning while driving. It has not been easy to change the habit. I now pull off the road if the phone rings when I am expecting an important call or turn it off altogether.

Others are not quitting phoning while driving, because they think they are different. Public opinion surveys, such as this one conducted by the AAA Foundation, have found that many people believe, "I can do it safely, but you're a menace."They have an optimistic bias about their own ability.

I mentioned earlier that emotional intelligence coaching or training involves a greater risk using a cell phone - even if the client is just listening. Even listening can be emotionally stimulating. It would be relatively easy for the client's emotional memory to be triggered, effectively causing them to be emotionally hijacked.

In the state of emotional hijack your cognitive brain is disabled. You lose normal consciousness, and you lose your ability to think and react. That's dangerous enough when you are sitting at your desk about to answer an email from your boss. It can be lethal when you are behind the wheel. Is emotional hijack common? Just count the number of times in your work week when you are so stimulated you temporarily lose your composure. And hijack is sneaky. It doesn't necessarily manifest in a raging outburst, it can be as quiet as a lamb.

If you use your cell while driving you may want to reconsider. If you are a coach or trainer I suggest you discourage clients from cell phone use during sessions. I have no moral righteousness here, but I do believe that as a coach I have a responsibility to support healthy productive behaviors. And, I sure don't want to help the cause of a harmful accident.

If your coaching client calls from the car. Reschedule. A coaching session with a distracted person is guaranteed to be ineffective anyway. If your student wants to listen in to the class from the car, discourage them and offer a recording of the session instead. And if you are the client, you might consider what emotions are pushing you to risk yourself and think about re-ordering your priorities.

If I sound like I'm preaching I apologize. I'm sure some of my enthusiasm is directed at me. And the truth is I care about you and wish the best for you.

Joseph Liberti

Joseph Liberti is author of Coaching Emotional Intelligence the book that tells you what you need to know, have and do to be a confident, competent and successful emotional intelligence coach. It's a great starting place for HR Pros, internal coaches, counselors or those thinking about becoming a life or business coach. Subscribe to his coaching news and tips newsletter at http://eqcertification.com and get a free book sample and audio recording.

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