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Turn Over a New Leaf This Fall

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Published: 27Oct2008
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"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein

Have you ever found yourself stuck, trying to make a change, but being unsure where to start and instead finding yourself repeating the same old patterns...over and over and over again? I'm guessing you have! We all have felt this in one area of our life or another. Instead of trying something else, we just keep trying the same thing -only harder.

And frankly, this is why most of my clients initially come to see me. They have tried everything they can think of to stop their binging, or to lose weight, or to feel better, or change their obsessive thoughts about food and weight, or to improve their health.

Very often, they have tried this strategy or that diet or this exercise program, and although some of the approaches work some of the time for a while, they eventually find themselves right back where they started. My clients are all very successful in many areas of their lives, but somehow have gotten stuck when it comes to eating, self-care and living their lives as fully and vibrantly as they would like.

During the beginning phase of our work together, we take a step back, look at what they've done in the past and what they continue to do, and we assess: What's working? What's not working? What obstacles have they come up against (usually repeatedly) in trying to reach their goals? We make shifts in what they have been doing, we find ways to negotiate those obstacles, and we use a different solution to address their problem or concern. Generally, this leads to significant positive change in a relatively short time.

At some point during our work together, after making many steps forward and feeling better, inevitably, clients may find they hit a "bump" in the road to their goals. At this point, they feel frustrated, angry at themselves, and oftentimes, hopeless. They may want to crawl back in their hole, back to their old way of doing things, and they may "lick their wounds," feeling like they will never have the relationship to food they desire.

And this is where I come in, strongly reminding them that although they FEEL stuck, they actually are not stuck. They are at a bump, and although this bump feels bad, they actually need to be at this "yucky" place in order to move forward for good. (REALLY). However, they must approach this phase with some new strategies and understanding.

Although it's hard to believe, this "bump" is often part of the process of change (no one tells us that though, so it feels awful when it's happening!). Often, after taking several great steps forward, we take one or two (and sometimes more) steps back. (Just look at children and especially adolescents - this is a natural part of their development as well: as soon as we think they've achieved a new level of maturity, we often see some "acting out" or regression until they become comfortable at their new level. Change is SCARY!).

Same is true for us adults: We move forward and we need to get comfortable in that new place. Whether it's out of fear, discomfort, or old uncomfortable beliefs trying to sabotage us (our unconscious mind does NOT like change), we find ourselves feeling stuck, unsure how to keep going, uncertain how we'll reach our goals.

Instead of getting caught up in feelings of frustration, helplessness, or hopelessness; and instead of beating yourself up for not making progress, I would like you to consider this as an opportunity. Just like the beginning of a new year, this is an opportunity to look back at what's working and what's not, look ahead at where you want to go, and begin moving forward again, often with a new level of awareness and confidence.

Here are some very specific strategies to help you do just that. My request for you this week is to think about an area in your life where you are feeling stuck. Go through the following steps and see if it helps you shift into the direction of your goals and dreams...

1) RECOGNIZE- It is absolutely critical that you recognize that you have simply hit a bump in the road. Just because you have hit this bump, does not mean you have to stay on this bump forever. Although you feel stuck and are unsure of what to do, this stuckness may actually be a REAL sign that part of you is scared of the change that is really in your best interest. It also may be a sign that something you are doing is just not working and it's time to try something different. Stuckness (just like any "symptom") can serve as a wake-up call that our thoughts or our actions need to shift.

2) RE-ASSESS - Ask yourself: What's not working here? What do I keep trying, but just keep hitting a wall with? What do I know, in my gut, might be a different, more useful approach to this problem? (Here's an example: Let's say I keep binging every night. Next day, I wake up, angry at myself, so I skip breakfast. Starving at lunch, but still upset about the night before. Have diet coke for lunch and a salad, trying to be "good." Find myself back at the fridge, unconsciously eating that night." There's a pattern here that I keep trying to "fix" with the same (not working) solution. Time to try something new. Looking at this simple example, one solution might be to eat a BIG breakfast and a VERY SATISFYING lunch (and to make sure I am engaged in something FUN in the evening). Although this sounds simple, it requires re-assessing and re-examining our situation from a different angle.

3) RE-FOCUS - I've said this before, and I will probably continue to repeat it because I think it's so important (and really quite simple): We must have a very clear picture of where we want to go in order to continue to move in that direction. Often, we have a vague idea of where we want to go and we certainly know we don't want to be where we are (struggling), however, I encourage you to get a very clear picture of where you'd like to be, how you'd like to feel, what you'd like to be doing, how you'll be different...when you reach your goal. For example, want to lose weight? Great. What will that look like for you? How will you be eating? How will you be carrying yourself? How will your life be different? Will you be doing things that you're holding yourself back from now? The clearer you are, the more you will continue to be able to move in that direction. Fuzzy goals lead to fuzzy outcomes.

4) RE-NEW- Forgive yourself for "screwing up;" move past what you "didn't do" and stop punishing yourself. Remind yourself that this is part of the process and stop wasting useful energy on self-flagellation. It will only backfire. Instead: Look toward your clear goal. What is the next one small step you can take in that direction? Take that step. When you are ready, take another one. Remember that any endeavor, no matter how challenging it may seem, can only get completed if it is started. And remember this quote by Lao Tzu: "This journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."

Karen Schachter a licensed clinical social worker & certified nutrition counselor she works with women who want to have a healthier relationship with food & in turn, improve their nutrition, their mood & energy, decrease their cravings & just generally enjoy life more fully. Sign up for her FREE newsletter @ http://www.healthybodieshappyminds.com and receive her Special Report: 7 Secrets to Having the Relationship with Food You've Always Wanted.

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