	Article Directory		Article Submission Service		Article Marketing Blog		Publishers		Member Log In

Article Directory :: Home & Family Articles

Do You Really Mean What You Say to Your Children?

By Len Stauffenger

Republish: EasyPublish™
Published: 19Apr2009
Word count: 509
Viewed: 243 time(s)

Get Free Content For Your Site

I don't know of one family that doesn't experience anger when raising children is involved and in particular, with single divorced parents. All too frequently, this anger gets pointed at the children. I think it's highly likely that in many circumstances, our anger can be traced back to some doubt or fear that we, as parents, have been harboring.

In many therapies, there is a differentiation between what is the _trigger_ for a specific emotion and what is the _source_. I think that when it comes to raising kids, their behavior (or the lack of it) is the trigger, and our own doubt and fear is the actual source. Let's look at some situations that seemingly trigger angry outbursts from us to our children and let's work to discover what the underlying fears might be.

You become angry when your children don't obey you, or when they fall short of what you expect from them. You become frustrated. This is because you don't know enough about how to effectively manage their behavior. Pre-school teachers and grade school teachers have learned these skills and thus don't experience the anger you do. You would be helped if you took some parenting classes; read parenting books; join parenting groups.

Adults who understanding behavior management in children know that there must be consequences for errant behavior. It is most helpful if you will arrive at the decision you frequently arrive at currently after idle threats: you REALLY MEAN what you say. It is this determination that you mean what you say that communicates over to your child and they quickly learn not to avoid your wishes, wants and desires. If you couple "meaning" along with "consequences" your child will be well served through this determination.

As your days roll along, please consider if you are getting angry due to any of these reasons:

- You feel you have no freedom in your life because you have children

- Your kids are tapping you out financially and you're frustrated because you feel trapped in your job

- Long days are wearing you down physically

- You have a sense of "I don't want to deal with it now"

- Your kids whine to get your attention

- Your kids tug at you because you aren't listening to them

- Your kids fight among themselves

You must seek help to find a way to deal with these things. A therapist might be just the ticket. Your parents may have good advice. Perhaps a minister could help. Whatever it is, don't allow your anger over these things to continuously spill over at your children. You need professional, or at a minimum, mature help to find a better way if you identified with any of the items on the above list. Listen to music away from the kids. Take some deep breaths. Call a friend. Then spend a few moments reconnecting with your child. Don't let the anger get between you. Your kid deserves your loving communication and so do you.

In his book "Getting Over It: Wisdom for Divorced Parents," Len Stauffenger shares with you the simple wisdom gleaned from his divorce and from the raising of his daughters. Len is a Success Coach and an Attorney. His is a heartfelt, visionary story of the success at the end of his divorce journey. You can purchase Len's book and it's accompanying workbook at http://www.wisdomfordivorcedparents.com

EasyPublish™ this article - publishers click here