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If you haven't already, you will soon be running into battles over where your children will be over holidays. These situations will be very new and unsettling for everyone involved. It will be not only hard for you, but also for your children to not be spending holidays with both of their parents. There is only a limited amount of time during every holiday, and it can be very difficult to try and please everyone involved.
You might be surprised at not only how your ex views this situation, but grandparents and aunts and uncles too. Everyone will have an opinion, which they think is very logical, as to why the kids should be with their side of the family. Luckily, I have had a lot of experience with this and have learned some useful information over the years.
The first attempt at resolving this situation should be some type of schedule. If you have an amicable enough relationship with your ex, you should be able to sit down and come to an agreement on who your children will be with and when they will be there. This is especially important if you have small children, since it is essential for them to have some kind of routine or structure. A sample of a holiday calendar can look like this:
Thanksgiving...... Dad all day ( Mom sees kids on Friday)
Christmas Eve..... Dad all day
Christmas Day..... Mom all day
New Years Eve..... Dad all day
New Years Day......Mom all day
Easter...........Dad all day or split the day if you live close to each other
Mother's Day.... Mom
Father's Day......Dad
Labor Day........Mom
Memorial Day...Dad
You also will have to remember that there is no possible way to make every holiday completely fair. If you do the schedule method, then the following year, every holiday switches. This worked pretty well for my kids and me for a long time. If you don't have a good relationship with your ex or your children will be having limited contact with them, then expect an adjustment period for your children to understand why they are only with one parent during the holidays.
This may not work forever though. As your children get older, they may prefer to spend more time with one parent during the holidays. If it is a reasonable request, let them go where they want. It is very hard for them to always be shuffled around, and they may get to a point when they don't want to do it anymore. If the only reason you object to them wanting to go somewhere for a certain holiday because your feelings are hurt, you may want to reconsider. Don't make it about you and what you want. Make it about them.
We all have to live with our choices as adults. Even if we made the right choice to get a divorce, there still are going to be sacrifices that have to be made on your part for the sake of your children. They will be adults themselves one day soon and will ultimately have to live with their choices also. Custody over the holidays can be shared with both parents without making the children suffer. While they are still young, let them be young.
In his book "Getting Over It: Wisdom for Divorced Parents," Len Stauffenger shares his simple wisdom gleaned from his divorce with his daughters and with you. Len is a Success Coach and an Attorney. You can purchase Len's book and it's accompanying workbook at http://www.wisdomfordivorcedparents.com
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