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Questions to Ask Yourself When You Want to Begin to Date Again

By Len Stauffenger

Republish: EasyPublish™
Published: 31Oct2008
Word count: 587
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The you who began dating in high school and the you who is thinking of beginning to date after divorce are two completely different individuals. I'm not here to look inside your mind and heart and tell you what to do. I am here to share some of what I've learned and know that you will adapt my life lessons to what your life needs right now.

Your children have to come first. They have to be provided for. They have to have appropriate child care. Once this is attended to, only then can you consider beginning to date again. Your in-laws or parents would more than likely love babysitting, but if that isn't an option, pay for a babysitter.

I asked myself several questions when I began to date again that might be of help to you as they were to me. Are you dating to find the kids a new mom? Or are you dating because you want sexual gratification? Or are you dating because you are lonely? Could the reason be that you think you need someone with more income than you to fill in the gaps? Whatever your reasons are, please get clear and honest about them. When the time is right, share them honestly with your new date.

What kind of qualities or similar interests are you looking for in someone new to date? It's wise to make a list of them, because something that simple can help attract the right person into your life and you are worth the time it takes to create this list.

It's unwise to tell your children about casual dates. They don't have the maturity to process this information. They are still smarting from the absence of the other parent they love and want there full time. So keep your dating private until you have found the right one and then introduce the idea slowly.

How should you find someone? Should you go to bars? Should you go dancing? Should you use online personals? We all have personal preferences. Whatever you do, be sure someone's got your back at each step of the way. Be very aware of the repercussions of whatever steps you take here because your main responsibility remains your children. Don't do anything that could jeopardize them, like driving home under the influence or having sex without protection.

Did you learn anything about the role you played in your divorce? If you didn't, you will take those same mistakes into every new relationship with the same results: a divorce. It's wise to learn your lessons first and then take a new you out dating.

How will you recognize flag waving neon signs that a person is not right for you? Sit down with your best friend and make a list of the things to look for before you put yourself out there again. I've known some women who appear to be "alone" but who are really using a girlfriend and eye signals to determine if someone is okay or not. It's safer to decide up front than to have remorse to live with.

Dating after you're divorced from the perspective that your children come first can be a challenge, but I think you're up for the task. If you didn't find all you need in this article, look up "divorce dating" on the internet. There's tons more. I wish you success and never a second divorce.

In his book "Getting Over It: Wisdom for Divorced Parents," Len Stauffenger shares his simple wisdom gleaned from his divorce with his daughters and with you. Len is a Success Coach and an Attorney. You can purchase Len's book and it's accompanying workbook at http://www.wisdomfordivorcedparents.com

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