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My Mother-In-Law Wouldn't Let Me Divorce Her

By Len Stauffenger

Republish: EasyPublish™
Published: 18Dec2008
Word count: 550
Viewed: 295 time(s)

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When I explained to my mother-in-law that her daughter and I were getting a divorce, I have never forgotten what she told me "Well, Len, you can divorce her. But you cannot divorce me."

You, my reader, are probably a younger person than I am. But you will one day recognize what I'm going to tell you right now. Being a Grandparent is the culmination of a life filled with all kind of experiences, and those grandchildren are one of the best of all experiences.

Having a child is wonderful, and when you have your own child, somehow, someway a sense of responsibility comes up from inside you. You want that child to have a better life than you did. You are willing to sacrifice yourself to make that happen. You want that child to be happier than you were and you get very creative in making that happen. You want that child to experience a vast array of things: different foods, wonderful classes, a variety of activities. You make some of these things "have tos" and you work them into your budget because you want the best for your children.

Grandparents play a role in all this, too. They want your children to have what you want them to have for the most part. They buy the child birthday and holiday gifts at your suggestion. They might hold a different opinion than you as to what your child needs, but for the most part, they try to provide as you'd like to see that child provided for.

Basically, aside from the gifts and the events, something wonderful happens inside a grandparent from the time they gave birth to you until the time you give birth to their grandchild. They learn a lot. They've become confident. They can see the patterns that run through life. They know that many of the things you want for your children (and they wanted for you) are not as important as they once thought.

Better yet, they do know what IS necessary. They know that your baby only requires one thing from them - unconditional love - and they love to give that to your baby, their grandchild. And your child needs that unconditional love. They need someone to love them without any other expectations such as you have for them: homework doesn't have to be done at grandmas house; pets don't need to be fed; bed making doesn't have to be mandated. It's all about "being with" your grandparent and being loved while in his presence.

Grandparents know that playing is important and they have more time to play with your kids than you do. Grandparents love to teach your kids how to garden, or make cookies, or build a birdhouse .... things that you can't get to because you're busy with the basics of cooking, shopping, laundry, lawn mowing and the like.

So when you get a divorce, please don't rob your child of this experience by keeping him away from your ex's parents. They deserve to form a relationship with them and to be loved by them. Grandparents are the greatest. Your mother-in-law will thank you. And she will help your children learn how to be unconditional lovers themselves.

In his book "Getting Over It: Wisdom for Divorced Parents," Len Stauffenger shares his simple wisdom gleaned from his divorce with his daughters and with you. Len is a Success Coach and an Attorney. You can purchase Len's book and it's accompanying workbook at http://www.wisdomfordivorcedparents.com

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