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Keep A Journal To Help You To Figure Out Your Divorce

By Len Stauffenger

Republish: EasyPublish™
Published: 12Mar2009
Word count: 607
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If there every was a time in your life when emotions run rampant, it's when you're going through a divorce. Wouldn't you agree? There you are - you think your life is totally working when the rug gets pulled out from under your feet.

You might feel shocked, dismayed or terrified. You begin to run "what if" scenarios through your mind and that frightens you even more. And then there's anger, or maybe you've even escalated into rage. Those emotions can make you blind. Not physically blind, but you would be blinded to anything that appears reasonable.

So what can you do to get a grip on these raging emotions? Time to process the ideas helps a lot and so does some distance from the event and person involved. One of the most useful things I've discovered to make myself rational again is to journal.

What's journaling - for those of you who might be new to the idea? There are lots of definitions on the internet. This is the one I like the best: Writing to create a record of thoughts and feelings that a writer can return to.

It might seem crazy to you if you're in the throes of some emotional event right now. I can make some promises to you: if you will write down what is going on without any kind of filtering, and you will let it sit there for some period of time, and if you will add the next emotional events to it and let them sit for a while, when you go back and re-read it, your emotions will be diminished from the first time you wrote it.

You will begin to see patterns. You will begin to look at things more objectively. Objectivity will allow your ability to reason to work, and those horrible feelings you were once feeling will drop away somewhat to permit you to see other options.

You will begin to see the patterns and observe how things fit together. If you are journaling about your ex and the problems you two are experiencing, you'll begin to see how he traditionally comes at things, and how you do. You'll be able to eventually move from reacting to his shenanigans to simply observing him and thinking "There he goes again with the blame game or with the I'm innocent game." And you'll move from subjectivity to objectivity just through your journaling. It's an inexpensive, but powerful technique.

Another bonus will be in discovering your own M. O. You might observe yourself whining repeatedly, or blaming, or freezing emotionally in shock, or whatever it is you are currently doing to protect yourself from feeling bad when you interface with your ex. Well, that can help you too if you notice what you are doing and work to make those corrections.

To have a great journaling experience, I recommend finding something to write in that lays flat. Make sure you have a pen that you love to write with. My assistant uses one with purple ink! Choose someplace quiet to journal so you're thoughts can flow without interruption. You single parents - after the kids go to bed is a great time. This isn't about spelling or grammar perfection so don't obsess over that. Just get the words down. Or, hey, maybe you'd like to just put the story down in pictures?

Whichever method or style you choose, please choose one and then do it. The emotions stirred up by divorce are such a challenge, but journaling is the cheapest therapy available.

In his book "Getting Over It: Wisdom for Divorced Parents," Len Stauffenger shares his simple wisdom gleaned from his divorce with his daughters and with you. Len is a Success Coach and an Attorney. You can purchase Len's book and it's accompanying workbook at http://www.wisdomfordivorcedparents.com

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