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Guilty!

By Len Stauffenger

Republish: EasyPublish™ Published: 14May2008 Word count: 636 Viewed: 470 time(s) Get Free Content For Your Site

We all carry it. We all have some sort of guilt about something that we have said or done or didn't do. Guilt. It's nothing but a wasted emotion. Sure, you call someone a name and you feel bad. You feel guilty. It doesn't change the fact that you called them a bad name. If you are reading this article you are probably about to be divorced or recently have been divorced. Either way, this article could apply to all parents, married or not. Our goal is to help you see what you need to see and prevent you from a second divorce.

Let's say that you are currently going through a painful divorce. You have children and there are so many emotions flying around between everyone in your family that it just seems like a tornado 27/7! If you are getting divorced, guilt is probably one of those emotions. It doesn't matter if you were the "wrong" one or not. You feel guilty that your marriage failed. You feel guilty that now your children come from a broken home. You feel guilty for yelling at them more lately because you yourself have such a short fuse. It doesn't matter what the situation, the feeling is the same.

Let me tell you where guilt gets you. Nowhere! All it does is make the situation worse on a number of levels. One, you are spending your time feeling guilty instead being proactive. It's very understandable to feel remorse and sympathy for your children. After all, it isn't their fault that you and your spouse couldn't work things out. They are innocent victims. Accept it. It stinks and it's not fair, but that doesn't change one thing. You have to move on now.

What's the next step? Be honest with your children. Tell them you are sorry that it didn't work, but you still both love them and it's time to start over. Secondly, guilt causes you to make unhealthy choices for your children. You find yourself feeling guilty and you "give in" a little more. So that toy that you couldn't afford to buy them, you now purchase because you feel guilty. What's that going to do for them? You ease up on the rules. You let them eat whatever they want. However you are indulging them, it will not change the fact that you are divorced. You are hurting them by this behavior, not helping them or easing their pain. Thirdly, you are teaching your children to manipulate you. If they haven't figured it out, they soon will. Your guilt gives them an "out." They know you feel guilty about they divorce and they will play you every chance they get. If they weren't allowed to get the Xbox 360 before the divorce, they don't get it after. The only thing that really matters to them is that they still feel loved. The material things have nothing to do with it. You will only teach them not to respect you.

You are the divorced parent. Now, you always will be. It doesn't matter how mad or sad your children may seem. It doesn't matter how much guilt you experience. They are even more resilient than you. They will get through this and be fine, as long as you stay strong. Be the parent that they need. Don't turn into the "friend" and the "doormat". Instead start some new activities together. Spend more time together. Don't buy more "things." You as a person haven't changed. You just aren't married anymore. Be the best parent that you can be. It's the only thing that really matters. You will be rewarded, more than you can imagine. And we'll feel better knowing that we helped you become a "second divorce" statistic, because these numbers are even higher than the first.

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