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Expectations are Everything

By Len Stauffenger

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Published: 27Mar2008
Word count: 483
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Happiness is what we all strive for. It doesn't matter who you are, how old you are, or what your current situation is, we all want to be happy. So what does that really mean? Well everyone probably has a vision in their head of what happiness is. We do what we can to get there. If happiness is being married with two kids and living in wonderland with no problems and everything is perfect then you are always going to be disappointed.

We have to be realistic. You're divorced now, so your concept of self is likely to change dramatically. If you talk to someone that is truly happy you will find that they have realistic expectations. Being married can make you very happy or very miserable depending upon who you are married to. If you think your shot at happiness is over because you are now divorced, you are wrong. You need to have realistic expectations.

When I saw you need to have realistic expectations, I don't mean that you have to lower your standards. If you believe that having a family will make you happy, don't tell yourself, "it will never happen, or , "I've already had my chance." Try setting smaller goals. When you go through a huge life change, you need to take things a little slower. Maybe even day by day. Set your expectations a little lower for now. Tell yourself, "I do have a family; I have my kids, my parents, etc." Don't expect that your pain from the divorce and all that goes with it will disappear in a day or a week or a month.

Have an "attitude of gratitude." It may sound cliché but take a look around and really examine what you do have. So you aren't married anymore, be thankful for what's there and who's there.

You now have one less person to think about, (your ex), so take all that extra time that you would have spent on that person and spread it around to those you are thankful for.

Be positive. Tell yourself things are going to be okay and they will be. Tell yourself things are awful and will never get better, and they won't. Whatever your internal monologue is telling you, it will come true. Make short term goals that you can achieve to get through this tough time and when you see what you are capable of, it will reinforce the positive thinking.

Everything is temporary. This pain will pass and joy will come. Then the joy will pass because something else painful will come up. That's the beauty of life. Not knowing what will happen, but expecting that things will work out in the end! And have you noticed that, in the end, most of your expectations appear, so it's most wise to expect happiness. It's a great way to control being happy in your life.

Len Stauffenger's parents taught him life's simple wisdom. As a divorced dad, he wanted to share that simple wisdom with his girls. "Getting Over It: Wisdom for Divorced Parents," his book, is the solution. Len is an author, a Success Coach and an Attorney. http://www.wisdomfordivorcedparents.com

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