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Mean It When You Say It, And You'll Only Have to Say It Once

By Len Stauffenger

Republish: EasyPublish™
Published: 10Jan2009
Word count: 512
Viewed: 351 time(s)

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"If you don't stop that fighting right now, I'm going to ......." Sound familiar? I really, really, really hope you don't have this habit set up between you and your kids. But if you do, I also hope this article helps you break that bad habit and put another in it's place, because threats don't work. Meaning what you say does work.

Let's talk about the word discipline. I know that word makes the hair go up on the back of the necks of some of you, and hopefully, by discussing it we can take that bugaboo you have about it away, because discipline is a good thing.

Which one of these definitions rings your bells or shivers your spine:

* the act of punishing

* the trait of being well-behaved

* a system of rules of conduct

* punish in order to gain control or enforce obedience

* train by instruction and practice; especially to teach self-control

I love Noah Webster's 1828 Dictionary because it includes ideas from the past where I think morality and governance was not view through the liberal lens it is today. Here is what 1828 Noah uses as a definition:

*To instruct or educate; to inform the mind; to prepare by instructing in correct principles and habits; as, to discipline youth for a profession, or for future usefulness.

If you want your child to be "disciplined," you have to let him or her know what the rules are, that you expect them to follow the rules, and that if they don't follow them, there will be consequences. It's wise to establish the rules through a discussion with them. It's a great idea to let them name the consequences for their non-conformity. But if they don't, that doesn't mean you don't have to. One of the most wonderful gifts you can give your children is consistent discipline. Children love consistency and consistency takes work on your part.

One of the ways to completely destroy the system you've established for the loving discipline (you now see this as education, right?) of your children is to make threats that you have no way to follow through on. I was once angry at something one of my daughters had done outside the boundary of my rules, and I told her "Okay, you're grounded for 35 years!" We both started to laugh, because there was no way I could enforce that, but it did let her know how angry I was at her stepping outside the boundary.

Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Only say it once.

If you can get those three small sentences into your mind, it will save you hours of unnecessary law enforcement. If you want them at the table now, say what you mean; mean what you say; say it once; be ready to enforce a consequence. You'll only have to do this a few times and your children will get the picture fast. It will be much more harmonious for all of you if you can learn this loving skill and give up emotionally blasting threats..

In his book "Getting Over It: Wisdom for Divorced Parents," Len Stauffenger shares his simple wisdom gleaned from his divorce with his daughters and with you. Len is a Success Coach and an Attorney. You can purchase Len's book and it's accompanying workbook at http://www.wisdomfordivorcedparents.com

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