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Pitfalls in Building Relationships, Commitment and Love - Starting With F

By Levi Reiss

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Published: 15Jun2009
Word count: 504
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We continue this series suggesting how to avoid many pitfalls in building interpersonal relationships, whether with family, coworkers, friends, or that special someone. Committed, loving relationships do not just happen. You may know that there is no success secret, no checklist of things to do, and just as important things not to do to make such relationships happen. But we do have many suggestions that focus on potential problems. We center on fatigue, fault, and forget.

F is for fatigue. Nothing is more tiring than dealing with people who are always fatigued. You know the type, "I just ate breakfast and all that chewing really tuckered me out." Like so many other aspects of life, being fatigued is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Once you say that you are tired, you become tired. So what can you do if you are really zonked? Find some work to do, even if you have to take it more slowly than usually. It might be a good idea to drink some water or pop a hard candy in your mouth. Suck on it slowly, you don't want to tire yourself out.

F is for fault. One of the easiest ways to torpedo a relationship is to go around spreading the blame. On others, of course. We all know the type, let's call him Fred. If something doesn't work out properly, it must be somebody else's fault. Never, ever, ever would it be Fred's fault. Who wants to hang around with a jerk like that? And that character defect is usually not enough. Such Freds usually enjoy finding faults in others. You know, your jokes aren't funny and you really should change your hairstyle; It's so old-fashioned. (That's probably a Fredrica comment rather than a Fred comment.) I suppose we could tell Fred and Fredrica to start looking for faults at home. But it is better to shift gears and not think of faults but of errors to correct.

F is for forget. What easier way is there to put yourself in hot water than to forget other people's special moments? Clear examples are forgetting your child's school play or swimming competition. And forgetting your wedding anniversary is a major no-no, even though it's half yours and half your partners. Perhaps you should only get half the blame. Somehow I don't think that excuse will fly. I know of a recent case where the principal of an elementary school forgot to say anything about one of the graduating children. As it worked out, he won't have to worry about such lapses of memory, not at that school anyway. If you really must, write things down. Nobody can expect you to remember all the gory details, independent of the specific subject at hand. When it comes to being offended I am not of the forgive and forget frame of mind; I believe instead in forgive and don't spend energy stewing, but you don't have to forget.

Levi Reiss teaches computers in an Ontario French-language community college. He wrote or co-authored ten computer and Internet books. His web sites include an English and French (with translations) love and relationships site celebrating love at www.loveamourlove.com. His global wine website www.theworldwidewine.com features a weekly column reviewing $10 wines and new sections writing about and tasting organic and kosher wines.

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