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Pitfalls in Building Relationships, Commitment and Love - Starting With J

By Levi Reiss

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Published: 21Sep2009
Word count: 418
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We continue this series suggesting how to avoid many pitfalls in building interpersonal relationships, whether with family, coworkers, friends, or that special someone. Committed, loving relationships do not just happen. You may know that there is no success secret, no checklist of things to do, and just as important things not to do to make such relationships happen. But we do have many suggestions that focus on potential problems. We center on jaded, jargon, and jealous.

J is for jaded. Don't act like you have seen everything and are impressed by nothing. Jaded may make the most sense for youth on the cusp of teenhood. No, they haven't seen everything. Some would say that they haven't seen anything yet. Unless you are going to count the countless murders, betrayals, and crimes of all types that make up our standard (really substandard) television fare. Don't dull your emotions into a state of stupefaction; don't be jaded.

J is for jargon. Every field has its own vocabulary, semi-incomprehensible to the non-initiated. Jargon separates the in-crowd from the out-crowd. Don't indulge yourself. When talking with "others" make the effort to explain yourself and your subject while avoiding jargon and its bosom buddy, acronyms that no one on earth except for the chosen few have heard of. Yes, sometimes you do need to go with a technical explanation that requires precise, specialized words. However, this situation doesn't call for jargon, jargon only makes it harder for your party to understand. Once you have mastered the use of non-jargon with the out-crowd continue your new habits of jargon-free talk and writing when dealing with the in-crowd. At first they may balk, failing to understand you. But your good habits may finally rub off on your colleagues.

J is for jealous. Don't be jealous. Green may be a good color for politics (a subject that we continue to avoid here) and mint juleps, but it's a lousy color for your emotions. If someone else has something that you want, go work for it. Life is more than a zero-sum game, one where if A has more B than automatically has less. The time and effort you spend stewing about how come James has more than you could be spent more productively. Have you ever heard anybody say, "Life is so unfair - Jill is smarter than me, more pleasant than me, and works harder than me, but I still have so much more than she does?"

Levi Reiss teaches computers in an Ontario French-language community college. He wrote or co-authored ten computer and Internet books. His web sites include a new English and French (with translations) love and relationships site celebrating love at www.loveamourlove.com. His global wine website www.theworldwidewine.com features a weekly column reviewing $10 wines and new sections writing about and tasting organic and kosher wines.

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