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Using Empowerment to Reclaim Your Power

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Published: 14Jul2009
Word count: 987
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Empowerment is the belief that you are in control of your life. How you view the world, your relationships and your perceptions contribute to empowerment. People that feel they control the choices they make in their life tend to have a higher feeling of satisfaction with their life than people that feel they do not have any control or choice over their destiny. Believing that you have a choice about the direction of your life and how you respond to situations is called an internal locus of control. On the other hand, feeling that you do not have a choice and tending to be reactive to problems contributes to an external locus of control and is a factor that fosters stress and depression.

Having an internal locus of control does not mean that you can control what situations happen in your life. Everyone has problems and challenges. The empowerment comes from realizing that you have a choice as to how you want to deal with the situations in your life. If you feel like you would like to have more of an internal locus of control and to increase your feeling of empowerment, there are ways to increase them. Becoming aware of your self talk, beginning to set boundaries and awareness of choices you have to change a situation are steps to increase your sense of empowerment.

Self-talk

Everybody does self-talk and has messages that they use. Start to become aware of your messages, particularly when stressed or faced with a problem. Is your message negative or positive? Is it a message that you heard repeatedly from someone when you were younger? Does your message take you to a place of blame or one that focuses on solutions?

Phrases that include "should" and "I have to" are limiting and self criticizing. Start to replace these phrases with "I would like to," "I hope to," "I choose to." These phrases reinforce you having a choice. Realizing that you have a choice increases your sense of control over the situation. This helps to reinforce that you have a choice as to what action you are willing to take in a situation. The awareness that you have a choice increases your locus of control.

Boundaries

Setting boundaries is necessary to having an internal locus of control. Boundaries state that you are learning to love yourself as well as letting others know that you are worthy. Setting boundaries is taking responsibility for your actions, being honest with yourself and others about what you are willing to do and giving yourself permission to take care of yourself in order to avoid resentment and bitterness.

When you first begin to set boundaries you might feel uncomfortable about asking for what you need. In addition, others might not take you seriously because they are not used to you setting limits. Be aware of your self-talk and don't be too harsh on yourself. This is something new and it will become more comfortable as you continue to practice boundaries. Begin to take care of yourself. It is okay to do things for yourself without feeling guilty. When you begin taking care of yourself you will actually be able to take better care of others but without the resentment.

Empowering Choices

You can choose to avoid being involved in other people's drama. You can choose to be a support to others, but you do not need to rescue anyone from their problems. In addition, you can choose to avoid contact with people that do not respect you and are not supportive of you. Think of all the time and energy that you give away to others. What percentage of that effort is returned or appreciated by the people you are helping? When you give away your power you continue to place the blame on people outside of you and to continue with an external locus of control. This contributes to you continuing to be a victim. Instead of giving away your power, focus on your own actions and choices.

Take responsibility for what you choose to do and what you choose to not do. Increase your awareness of choices for any situation. You always have a choice. There will be times when you find yourself in a difficult situation and don't know what to do. Begin to list all the possible choices. Make a list of all possible choices without evaluating them. Write down anything that comes to mind, no matter how unrealistic it might seem. After you have made your list, review all of your options and choose what might seem like the best decision. Even if the first choice does not work, you can go back to your list and try something else. Dealing with situations this way will help you to become aware of new possibilities, increase the options that you can choose from and improve your ability to cope with problems.

You might have been giving your power away your entire life and didn't even realize that you had a choice. This is how things have always been for you. You might have been taught that your needs are not important and that you need to care for the needs of others before your own. This external locus of control creates a feeling of being trapped, contributes to being a victim and a belief that you are not worthy of being cared for. You can begin to have awareness of what your choices are for each situation. Then you can start to make a conscious choice instead of being reactive. You will find that your actions will begin to be in line with what you say you truly care about.

As you listen to your needs, you will increase your sense of trust about what you want for yourself as well as your self respect. Developing this trust about what you deserve, including respect from self and others, contributes to your empowerment.

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