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Thou Shalt Not What? I

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Published: 19Aug2009
Word count: 624
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And so it was asked, "Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?" Do cheaters really enjoy what they are doing? Is it the new relationship, or the risk of getting caught that appeals? Too many cheaters don't want to end their marriages to conclude that an affair always signals a desire for a divorce. But, is it ever a good thing?

Before you indulge in what the Bible and most of society calls adultery, make sure you understand what you're doing, and why you're doing it. Otherwise, you may be in for a nasty surprise. Your spouse may actually dump you on your ..., and even if he / she doesn't, few marriages survive an affair in tact.

Think of this. Maybe you are attracted to another person because things in your marriage aren't going so well. Is this because your spouse is a nut case, a jerk or a devil? Maybe, but usually the problem is that he / she and you have stopped talking to each other. So what happens next?

Let's say you work with someone who is always pleasant. This person seems to like you a lot,, and hints that things can go further if you are interested. You think of your spouse who has been a bit cranky lately. You can't seem to make him / her understand what a terrific person you are, but this new friend seems to get it. Suddenly, you have started having coffee together, flirting by the water cooler, and finally, you have a date, if you can get away from home.

This new person is great company. He /she gives you confidence, and makes you feel happy. You can tell him / her anything, and not only does he / she listen, but he / she agrees with you 100%. Your jokes are always funny to this new person, and your ideas are insightful and intelligent. Could life really be this wonderful? What happens next?

You stop working on your relationship with your spouse. He / she doesn't understand you, and all you do is fight anyway. Your new relationship with your friend is such a relief that you find yourself wanting to spend more and more time with him / her. Maybe your marriage was a big mistake. Still, you're not sure you want to end it. After all, you are comfortable with your spouse, and you do have kids and bills together. You can juggle both relationships. Your new friend can't expect you to give yourself fully, and your spouse doesn't know anything different. This could work. What happens next?

Your spouse doesn't believe that you had to work late again. You never had to before, and it's not like your pay checks are reflecting a lot of overtime. He / she is angry, and you feel more and more that your cheating is justified. In fact, you are pretty well convinced that your affair is your spouse's fault. If he / she didn't ... you would have been faithful. You wouldn't have needed to go outside of your marriage for love if you were getting it at home. What happens next? Maybe your new friend wants more from the situation then you are able to give. After all, it is lonely having dinner by yourself because your lover's son has a soft ball game, or the in-laws are visiting from out of town, and your lover has to stay home and act like nothing's wrong. Your new friend doesn't see you as an occasional playmate. He / she expects you to divorce so that you will be free to build a life with him / her. You don't want the affair to end, so you keep promising that things will be different as soon as ... happens. So, what does happen? Stay tuned.

for information about marriage and divorce, visit Lucille Uttermohlen at http://www.couple-or-not.com . Email her to request a free download about the divorce process at Lucille@couple-or-not.com. Questions and comments always welcome.

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