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This Date Would Be Fun If I Knew What To Say

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Published: 19Dec2009
Word count: 780
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Gulp! You're on a date. He / she and you are meeting at a restaurant. You arrive, and there he / she is. You suddenly realize how awkward things will be if "er, Hi," doesn't start a stimulating conversation. What if the whole evening is like that? You can only get so much conversational ground out of "Do you like Star Wars?" In fact, the conversation will go no where if he / she isn't a fan.

There are ways to break the conversational ice. If your date refuses to help, you may need a sledge hammer. However, once things are moving along, your date will be better able to pick up the conversational slack, and you'll both feel more comfortable.

The best conversational openings are the familiar and common. Neither of you are ready to discuss the significance of "Romeo And Juliet" yet. You don't know enough about each other to broach politics or religion. You certainly can't talk about money, styles or sexual preferences. So, what else is there? I mean, you don't want to sit there all night and try to find something interesting to say about the salt and pepper shakers.

Ask about food preferences. "Have you ever had chocolate covered guppies?" "I understand the fried ox here is to die for." If your date is still looking at you like he / she expects you to continue, ask him / her a question. "What kind of food do you like?" or "Do you like to cook?" or "what restaurants do you like?" These questions require an answer, and should at least give you ideas about more questions you can ask.

Don't feel like you're the one person entertainment committee. If your date gives you a mono syllabic answer to a question that you thought would yield conversation, sit and wait for more. Lean towards him / her a bit like you are expecting him / her to answer. He she should finally say something new, or ask you a question. In any event, it is important that you give each other time to get comfortable. It is an awkward situation for both of you, and it may take some time to warm up. Talking about these facts openly may also be a good conversational gambit.

Wear something interesting. My mother has an Egyptian cartoosh on a gold chain that my brother-in-law gave her many years ago. People see it and are fascinated by it. They stop Mom in the grocery store and at eateries to ask her what it is and where she got it. Go through your own jewlry collection, and you might find something you can talk about. "Have you ever been to Spain? That's where I got these earrings." "No? Where is the most interesting place you've ever traveled?"

I'm not suggesting a trip to Egypt or Spain, although I've heard they're nice this time of year. However, depending on where your date is occurring, you may be able to provide a little warm up conversation with something you're wearing. If you are going to a restaurant, wear an interesting broach or tie. If your meeting is in a more casual setting, say a tractor pull or rodeo, wear a t-shirt with an interesting logo or picture on it. Glance at your date and see if his / her clothing or accessories are worth noting. "Your belt buckle is interesting, where did you get it?" or "I like your necklace? Did you get it some where exotic?" "

The questions and answers may not be what you expect. Instead of telling you where she got the necklace, she might talk about the vacation she got it on. Your t-shirt may inspire a question like "can you believe that coach," rather than "do you like the Colts," but it doesn't matter. He / she is talking. The deeper and more interesting stuff can come later.

Finally, most of the experts would advise you not to talk about yourself. I would say, don't drone on about your problems. However, sharing your likes, dislikes and incidents that you have lived is what your date is there to hear. Your biggest concern here is to make sure you listen to what your date says. Don't interrupt when he / she is talking, even if you think you have a better story. Don't try to top him / her. "You had surgery on your knee? Well, my cousin had his / her head removed and he / she is still in recovery!" You'll have a chance to tell your side of it, but wait your turn. Your date will appreciate being heard, and will be more receptive to what you have to say if he / she thinks you can listen, too.

If there is a subject Lucille Uttermohlen doesn't know about, she doesn't know about it. However, if you have problems or questions about dating, unmarried partnerships, marriage or divorce, Lucille can help. Visit her at http://www.couple-or-not.com or write to her at lucille@utter-law.com

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