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Did He / She Dump You Or Give You Your Freedom?

Copyright © 2012 Lucille Uttermohlen

Republish: EasyPublish™ Published: 14Nov2009 Word count: 636 Viewed: 294 time(s) Get Free Content For Your Site

Of course, your heart is broken when a relationship ends. Getting "dumped" feels like a commentary on everything you are, or ever hope to be. It is tempting to yearn for your ex and hope for a second chance. However, before you read the manual on how to recover your relationship with your ex, give yourself a few moments to reconsider.

If you had a great relationship and he / she suddenly broke it off, chances are you were being deceived. He / she had some issue with you, or there wouldn't have been a reason to part. If it is another person, or a "need for more space", the excuse won't disappear just because you and he / she attempt to give your relationship a second chance. Your ex will still have a wandering eye or a need for "space".

Look at your relationship objectively. What was good about it? Was it the way it actually was, or the way you hoped it would be eventually. Did you enjoy talking to each other? Did you share the same goals and opinions? Do you know what your ex was thinking because of things he / she said, or do you assume you knew because he / she never told you different?

Sometimes people are afraid to share their real feelings. They don't argue, or even offer an opinion. They go along to get along until they feel they can change the situation without investing a lot of thought and energy. They allow a relationship to continue until another one comes along so they don't have to spend any time alone. For these folks, unsatisfactory company is better than no company at all.

Other times, they want approval, and are afraid to say what they think. These folks feel that their opinions might meet with disagreement, and that someone else's opinion on the subject is a condemnation of their own views. These people won't tell you how they feel. They will listen to what you say, verbally agree, and head for the hills as soon as they can get away. An example of this behavior is someone who goes to the same restaurant with you every week, and finally announces that you always pick where to eat. You had no idea that this person was harboring resentment, but suddenly the results of their inability to express themselves is entirely your fault.

Did you and he / she really communicate? Were there signs that the break-up was coming? Did he / she seem to be withholding something from you? Did he / she seem to have other things to do during those times you usually spent together? Is it your genuine feeling that a relationship that was healthy and fulfilling for both of you just ended, or are you feeling like a failure because you are no longer a couple?

Being "dumped" always hurts. However, it is important to realize that part of your pain may be the fact of being rejected, rather than a feeling of having true love suddenly withdrawn. Your ex may have done you a favor by ending your partnership and forcing you to re-evaluate your situation. You may be disappointed that things didn't work out with your ex, but maybe your partnership was more habit than genuine love. Separate yourself from the relationship for awhile, and then ask yourself what you miss. Is it your ex's personality and actions, or is it just the security of feeling desirable because you had someone? If you can look at your own feelings objectively, you may find that you are better off without your ex, and that your needs can better be met by another person. If you do that, you will be better able to make choices that will enhance your life, rather then settling for something that you're just used to having.

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