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Get Rid Of Your Jealousy And Take Control Of Your Life

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Published: 25May2010
Word count: 669
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What is jealousy? It is that gnawing feeling that a person you want in a certain way prefers another. It is an awful feeling even if it isn't justified. Before you assume your friend or lover is doing you wrong, check your own expectations. If you can understand what you think should be, you might better understand what is.

Do you think your partner should be happy with just you? We all need other people. Your mother fills one need, your brother another, and your best friend a third. You and your lover both still need to have experiences with other people, even if you do love each other best.

Suppose your mother was the only person you were ever allowed to have in your life. She is the only one you talk to, eat with, watch TV with, and whose taste in clothes is the only one you've ever known. Your view of the world would consist only of the things she and you could learn from each other. The opinions, knowledge and discoveries of the rest of humanity would never be yours to enjoy. In short, your relationship with life would not be a healthy one.

If anything happened to Mom, you would have no information on how to start over. If she needed something from you, chances are you wouldn't be able to supply it, because you would never have been exposed to the knowledge.

Yes, your relationship with your lover is a totally different matter. But, the most important principles are the same. Your love life will stagnate if you deny yourself and your lover opportunities to grow. If you try to exclude yourselves from the wider world, your views and understanding of life will be limiting, and frankly not that entertaining.

Imagine watching the same TV show over and over again. It may be a good show. You like all the characters, and the dialog is snappy. However, about the third time you see it, you will know what the characters are going to say before they say it. You could tell the plot in your sleep. If that one show was the only thing you ever got to watch, chances are good that you'd give up TV altogether.

Now, think of your relationship. If your lover and you can't include outside experiences in your lives together, what do you have left? No one person can be everything you need. You have to experience the wider world to keep your own thoughts normal. You have to talk about your life experiences with people besides your lover to gain understanding and balance in your thinking. You both have to have access to information to have new things to share with each other.

Jealousy is caused by insecurity. The person who thinks his lover can't be trusted doesn't have much regard for himself. If you have confidence , you don't need constant assurance of your worth from another person. If your lover does things that make you feel unhappy, it is because you have put him in charge of your well being. You have stopped exposing yourself to thoughts and activities that let you build your own strengths.

Even if your lover seems to enjoy your discomfort, you are the only one who can change the situation. If he is a flirt, ask yourself if you can live with his tendencies. if you can't, you'd better find someone who has eyes only for you. If she spends too much time with her family, you'd better join her, or find a friendless orphan who doesn't have anyone else to love. In most cases, you don't have to go that far. All you have to do is find the things that make you feel strong and healthy. If you feel happy with yourself, you won't have any desire to feel jealous. You will, however, have great things to offer someone else, and are likely to end up with a partner who needs you as much as you need them.

Need some free legal help? Write to The Law Lady at thelawlady@utter-law.com or read informative articles about relationship issues at http://www.couple-or-not.com

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