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Your Honor, Or Should I Say Statehood?

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Published: 30Apr2010
Word count: 813
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If you had the dubious pleasure of knowing me, , you would also know that the gov'ment and I aren't the best of friends. I get along fine with some government workers. I can think of a couple of judges who don't honk me off. And, yes, I do actually go to their courts. But, this guy really got on my ... well, ... not my Christmas list.

My client had been charged with a DUI, which is legalese for driving with an unlawful blood alcohol ratio. It is a serious crime, and the fact that my client got picked up for possession of wacky tobacco the next week did not help her application for the citizen of the year award.

She went to court on these two charges and was given a suspended sentence on the "DUI" and a conditional discharge for the green leafy substance rap. Her suspension for the DUI was revoked, and she served the time for it. The cops released her, and it appeared that all was right with the world.

About a week after her release, the sheriff called her and asked her to turn herself in to finish serving her sentence. It appeared that she hadn't served the additional time called for under the conditional discharge. This kind of disposition means that if you don't get in any more trouble during your probation period, the prosecutor will dismiss the charge. If you do get caught doing something naughty, all bets are off, and your original sentence automatically comes into effect. My client hoped to decline the sheriff's continued hospitality.

When she hired me, I filed what is called a "motion to modify sentence." Among the facts I cited for relief is that the reason she had been revoked originally was that she tested .001 at her pre-jail alcohol screening, when she reported for 1 of the 5 weekends she was supposed to serve as a term of her probation under her original sentence. To show you how minuscule that amount is, bear in mind that you have to register .08 to be considered too intoxicated to drive in this state.

The prosecutor wasn't willing to change the sentence. He was afraid being reasonable about it would "set a precedent." This is gov-speak for "we wouldn't want someone else to have the right to fight a shockingly unjust sentence in the future because we might have to justify our own stupidity." Okay, that's just one person's interpretation, and that one person gets mad every time she thinks about the situation. But, what the heck! She's right!

His Royal Honor wasn't any more reasonable. He felt that even though she had served a revoked sentence for her DUI, life wouldn't be complete unless she did the additional time for her "conditional" discharge.

So, you have a situation where she was at less than 1/10 of 1% which is 7.9 points less than the amount needed to be driving illegally, and she ended up in jail for 5 months for something she didn't do which was drink. She feels it is possible that the soy sauce she used or some candy she ate may have given a reading. Frankly, I think the breathalyzer was a bit out of kilter.

Now, when I tried to point these things out to "his honor," he got mad. I told him I wasn't attacking him personally, it is just that a strict application of the law in this situation didn't seem right, and I didn't think the state meant to jail its citizens for such a small accidental violation.

His honor informed me that he WAS the state, and if I thought he was being unreasonable, I was insulting him and all he stood for. I tried again to explain that I wasn't attacking him personally, I was just asking for mercy. After all, the result of a strict application of the lady's sentence wasn't justified, and the judge did have jurisdiction and authority to modify her sentence.

"I AM the STATE, Miss Uttermohlen!" he roared again.

My poor client had to serve the time. My questions are:

What possible benefit does society gain when one of us citizens are treated so harshly? Shouldn't there be room to reconsider results when they are so far out of line with what is being punished? After all, even one drink would have netted a higher reading unless the breathalyzer was way out of whack. Even if a defendant, say, took a swig of cough medicine or mouthwash, before going to jail, the reading would have been higher. It is more likely that the breathalyzer itself was to blame, than that even soy sauce or candy was at fault..

Shouldn't a judge be allowed to, nay, expected to use a little common sense? In any event, if he is, as he said, "The State," I'm moving to Illinois. At least their corrupt officials are open about it.

When she's not tending her imaginary rain forest in Judgipoo's courtroom, Lucille writes about adult relationship issues at http://www.couple-or-not.com Her blog is http://www.couple-or-not/blog and you can always email legal questions or just vent at lucille@couple-or-not.com

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