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Article Directory :: Self-Improvement/Motivation Articles
It takes two to keep a marriage together. If your spouse doesn't cooperate, reconciliation may not be in the cards. That hurts, and there is little you can do to change things. However, even if your actions caused the problem, don't feel you can't make your future better.
It is far too easy to let the judgments of other people decide how you accept life's set backs. When your spouse no longer wants you in his / her life, it is a harsh judgment, and you may be inclined to punish yourself accordingly. Your friends and family, too may show their disappointment in you, adding to your guilt and depression.
However, as it takes two to build a marriage, it also takes two to destroy one. In short, no matter what you did, it probably wasn't the only reason things didn't work out.
Even if you did something destructive, like have an affair, you deserve a second chance at happiness. People in a good marriage are not inclined to stray as people who aren't getting what they need from their union. This isn't to say that infidelity is right. It isn't. However, It isn't as likely to be tempting to someone who is happy at home. -
We all have regrets. We each have events in our lives that we wish hadn't occurred. We all have a sense when we've screwed up, and the bigger the mess we made, the harder it is to forgive ourselves.
However, the best way to accept your mistakes is to acknowledge them. Yes, it's true, you shouldn't have been unfaithful. You shouldn't have lied to your spouse. Running the credit cards up or secretly loaning the money in your joint savings account to your no good brother certainly gave your spouse reason to end it.. Trust is hard to gain in the first place. Once it is lost, it is even harder to re-establish.
Still, you know what you shouldn't have done. You can kick yourself for doing it. Chances are you've been booted in the butt by your friends and family. You've surely chewed yourself out, and wondered why you weren't struck by lightening.
As sad as the end of your marriage may be, guilt feelings and regrets aren't going to make it better. If you lied to your spouse, spent too much on the credit cards, or did anything which eventually led to the break-up, you should learn from your mistakes. Your spouse has every right to be angry with you for wrongdoing. Only he / she can decide if your action is a deal breaker. We all have choices to make, and only the effected person can decide what they can or can't accept in their own lives.
Still, you do need to forgive yourself. Realizing that you can't change the past but that the future is a blank slate should help you put yourself on the right path. Your current spouse may not be able to join in forgiving you. He / she may never trust you again. But, if you learn from your mistakes and don't repeat them, you will eventually trust yourself again, and be able to offer real commitment to the next person. Sometimes, that is the best we humans can do.
Do you have a legal question? Are you looking for an answer to an important relationship concern? Ask The Law Lady. For a prompt answer, write to thelawlady@couple-or-not.com Or read about legal and relationship issues at http://www.couple-or-not.com
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