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Caviar Flights and Borscht on Rails: Adventures in Crossing the Motherland

By Mark M Thomson

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Published: 04Oct2009
Word count: 783
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You're in Moscow on business when your boss tells you he wants you in Kiev by Monday. Quick, what do you do? In the U.S., you'd log on to some travel search engine and find the best flight. The train wouldn't even register as an option. But here in the Former Soviet Union (F.S.U.), the train is usually the first (and often the only) consideration for long-distance travel. Let's take a closer look at both options.

Most major cities in Russia and Ukraine have airports, and most major airlines serve them. In-country air travel is modern and - as expected - relatively inexpensive. Thankfully, even on purely Russian airlines such as Aeroflot, announcements are made in both Russian and English. Equally convenient, all important airport signs are also written in English. The main difference between Western air travel and Russian is the peripheral infrastructure. Don't expect Starbucks. Instead, be thankful if there's a café at all. Bring your own toilet paper (a rule that actually applies to any mode of travel throughout the F.S.U.), and brace yourself for barbaric bathroom conditions.

Step through the gate and civilization returns. Nowadays, passengers on Russian airlines are better fed than their American counterparts who are lucky if they get a packet of pretzels tossed their way. The various Slavic airlines which serve the F.S.U. are reminiscent of the variety of Western budget airlines like Southwest: Professional, reliable, and no-frills. They have comparable safety records, as well. Though you'll probably do most of your long-distance travel in the F.S.U. with the airlines, you shouldn't rule out train travel.

Buying a train ticket is easy enough, even if you speak no Russian. At the ticket counter, say the name of your destination as you hand the lady a slip of paper with the travel date written on it. Just make sure you use the European system: Day then month. It's easy, and tickets are cheap. You can cross nearly the entire expanse of Ukraine - the largest country in mainland Europe - for a whopping ten dollars.

But it won't be in style. A ten dollar ticket buys you passage via a barracks-style wagon called 'plaskart'. I don't know what the word means, but can only assume it's Russian for "suffering." Winter or summer, it's always too hot and too crowded. Although the communal spirit of traveling 'plaskart' style can be appealing - imagine sharing beer and dried fish with complete strangers - the communal noise and odors quickly take their toll. Traveling in the great cattle wagon of the Russian train system is best experienced vicariously.

That was the ten dollar ticket. For $15 or so, you can go first class. Called 'kupe' (pronounced 'koo-PEH'), this is a private, four-person sleeping car. Your own bed, your own luggage compartment. There's even a lady who comes to bring you tea. Some trains have an even more exclusive option: Written C.B., it's pronounced 'Ess-Veh' and stands for 'Super Wagon.' A spot in one of these two-person rooms will cost about $35. But no matter how comfortable your personal compartment is, there's no hiding from the noise of the train itself. My girlfriend finds the constant clattering relaxing, but as I try to sleep, it sounds like it's Hammer & Anvil Day at the metal works next door. My advice: Bring ear-plugs.

Still, traveling by train across the great Motherland is an amazing experience. Make your way to the restaurant car, sit at a table by the window, and enjoy a surprisingly tasty dinner as you watch the countryside roll by. Neither words nor photos can express the marvel of passing the unending fields of sunflowers in the south of Ukraine. Is there that much yellow in all the world?

Depending on the time of year you travel, you'll ask similar questions of other colors. Imagine, for days on end, passing nothing but snow covered fields in Siberia. You'll think someone painted all the windows white. Or take a ride through the forests east of the Carpathians at the height of autumn. Trees are ablaze with red and orange. In summer, you might see only green fields and blue skies. Traveling by train across the F.S.U. is a visceral experience, not to be simply dismissed for the ease and comfort of air travel.

So let time be the deciding factor. If you're in a hurry, head to the airport. But if your schedule permits, considering crossing the land of Eastern Europe by train. You might lose a day or two, but you'll gain a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

Mark Thomson learned the Russian language and attained fluency quickly. If you'd like to know about Russia, Ukraine, or his language learning techniques visit: russian-video-blog.com

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