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NLP Secrets: 6 Ways To Build Rapport With Anyone

By Robert Greenshields

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Published: 29Feb2008
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Rapport is one of the core concepts of Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP) and it can help you get better results from your communication and marketing.

Improving your rapport building skills can help you:

- Make more sales.

- Get a better job.

- Win better deals in negotiations.

- Make powerful speeches and presentations.

You can say that you have rapport with someone when there is a comfortable feeling of confidence and trust between you.

Think about a time when you were in a conversation with someone and the two of you were naturally in sync.

You probably felt as though you were speaking with your thoughts as much as with your words.

You can easily choose to build that level of rapport with another person or a group of people.

Where there is strong rapport, people understand each other more easily and there is potential for effective communication.

You've already done this many times throughout your life but you may not have recognized what you were doing.

Six Ways to Build Rapport

We generally like people who are like ourselves in some way. So you build rapport by making the other person feel that you have something in common.

The key to this is matching something about them or their behavior. Here are six things you can match in another person to build rapport:

Words: Matching the way someone talks is a good way to build rapport with them. Take note of the words they use which indicate their sensory preferences (such as visual, auditory or kinesthetic) and use similar words and phrases in your own communication. You should also try to use any key words or phrases that they use a lot, such as "Alright", "Actually", "You know what I mean".

Physiology: Copying the posture, facial expressions, hand gestures or movements of someone you are talking to will cause their body to say unconsciously to their mind that this person is like me! You don't have to match them exactly - for example if they are tapping their fingers, you can move your feet with a similar rhythm.

Voice: If the person talks slowly and deliberately, for example, he will feel comfortable if you are the same way.

Breathing: If two people in conversation are breathing very differently, e.g. in depth or speed of breathing, both of them would feel uncomfortable. So you may need to match their rhythm of breathing.

How they deal with information: Some people are detail-oriented while others prefer their information brief. If you get this wrong, the detail-oriented person will be yearning for more facts or the big-picture person will soon be yawning!

Common experiences: If you travel somewhere and meet a stranger who turns out to be from your hometown, you will quickly have a lively conversation. It's rarely so clear-cut but the secret is to find some commonality. If people have some matching experiences, interests or backgrounds, rapport is much easier.

To build effective rapport you must be an exceptional observer so that you notice little things about people.

You also need to be subtle in using these techniques but typically the other person will not notice it.

You can develop your ability to observe other people to such an extent that you will begin to see and even predict their reactions to what you say.

Once you have established rapport, you can start changing the other person's viewpoint to more closely match your own. This is called leading. Do this slowly, and you will elicit a positive response. You will notice them starting to adopt your mannerisms and enthusiasm. However, do it too quickly and you will blow your rapport.

Once you have mastered the skills of rapport building, you will find that you can lead virtually anyone and any group, large or small, in the direction you wish.

As with most things, rapport-building techniques become more effective the more you use them so it's important that you practice whenever possible. You can practice building rapport with strangers at the grocery store or even in line at the coffee shop.

It can be a lot of fun and also very profitable!

Robert Greenshields is a marketing success coach and certified NLP trainer. He helps business people who are frustrated that they're not achieving the success they want. To learn more about these powerful techniques, download his free Discover NLP and Hypnosis report

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