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Making The Most Of The "In Between" Times

By Sarah Cooper

Republish: EasyPublish™ Published: 15May2009 Word count: 1215 Viewed: 229 time(s) Get Free Content For Your Site

When we decide to make a career change - or any change in fact - we tend to do everything we can to effect the change as quickly and painlessly as possible. It's understandable: a speedy career re-launch allows us to protect our income, keep a structure to our days, and put behind us the painful memories of work which made us miserable.

But there are dangers in rushing from A to B without pause for breath. William Bridges, author of the classic book "Transitions - Making sense of life's changes" advocates staying for a time in the "neutral zone," a seemingly unproductive but essential space between the ending of an old situation and the start of a new one.

This "in between" time, Bridges argues, allows us to make the important internal transition or mind-shift that will clear the ground to allow the new beginning to "take". The neutral zone could be, literally, a period of time between jobs (and in today's economic climate, redundancies mean that more and more of us are finding ourselves in this position). Or we can enter the neutral zone whilst in our old jobs: we've disengaged emotionally from our work - just putting in the motions as it were - but we haven't yet decided where to go next.

Of course, this neutral zone is something we resist with all our might! It's a confusing and scary time, when we are not who we used to be, and we aren't sure yet who we are going to become. And so we're tempted to skip this stage - and fall into what Bridges calls the traps of fast forward and reverse.

When I look back on my own past attempts at changing career, I can see that I have honoured Bridges' theory by falling into both these traps!

The Fast Forward Trap

I've actually dived into this one at least twice - the first when jumping from corporate lawyer to fundraiser over the space of a weekend. But it's the second occasion that I'd like to illustrate today.

The new millennium was approaching and I had been a fundraiser for a cancer research charity for three years. I admired the organisation's aims but had always been frustrated that by working in head office, I never got to witness in any tangible way the difference it was making to people's lives.

I probably would have stayed longer, but a particularly painful relationship break-up pushed me into re-examining what on earth I was doing with my life (I'm sure many of you reading this have been there...). Resigning my job, I took a two week trip to Canada to research starting afresh there. Before I knew it I found myself setting up interviews with...yes you guessed it, cancer research charities.

Finally the penny dropped: I couldn't rush this re-definition process. I came back home with my tail between my legs, moved in with my parents (oh, the shame of it at 30...) and started to do some serious thinking.

Entering No Man's Land

Bridges' neutral zone was a difficult and disorienting time. I read a lot of books, and talked to quite a few people, but I still couldn't fathom out exactly what I meant by wanting to "help people."

Eventually I moved to the nearby city of Bristol, and got a temporary job as a typist for some pitiful hourly rate. My confidence was at such a low ebb, that I remember being thrilled when a colleague encouraged me to consider applying for a permanent position.

However amidst all the confusion and unhappiness, I was learning valuable lessons, broadening my concept of who I was and what I might be capable of. I volunteered for both a local drugs project and a housing association, mixing with drug addicts, sex workers, people with mental health issues, and grass roots charity workers - people I would never have met in my sanitised, arms-length head office roles.

Nothing I tried felt quite right however, and I'm ashamed to say that after six months I quit the neutral zone, falling promptly into what I now recognise as Bridges' second trap.

The Reverse Trap

Fed up with no money and no answers to the what-do-I-do-with-my-life question, I fell back on the comfort of the familiar. I got a job as account manager for a marketing agency (direct marketing had been my fundraising discipline). I ended up working on charity client accounts, later moving back client side for a fundraising role at the Red Cross. I had come full circle.

It was another 6 years from my foray into the neutral zone before I made any serious effort to try again. This last time, I was successful in working out what I really wanted.

I don't believe in regrets - but what a waste of time! So how can you avoid the traps I plunged headlong into, and stick with the neutral zone until it gives you the answers you are looking for? Here are some ideas....

Making The Most Of The "In Between" Times

1. Be aware. Just knowing that these traps exist is a good start. Consciously slow yourself down. Increase your tolerance for ambiguity, and trust that the answers will come.

2. Don't try to change everything at once. Sometimes there is something to be said for the totally clean slate: ditching your boy/girlfriend, quitting your job and moving the other side of the world. I think though that it depends on your emotional stability at the time. No-one feels like breaking into their favourite rendition of "It's a Wonderful Life" when they're contemplating a big change, but for the all-at-once approach it helps if you're on a fairly even emotional keel. Otherwise, one thing at a time is a wiser path.

3. Get some structure. This is particularly important if you're not working. Even if you are, structure helps you navigate through the mess in your mind. Set aside certain times in the week when you think about what you want next. There are lots of books with great exercises you can follow.

4. Be prepared to go with the flow (I know, this sounds like a contradiction). But we can't force our answers. I'm sure you've had that experience of switching off and suddenly a great solution pops up to a question that's been bugging you for weeks. Give your subconscious a chance.

5. Consider getting professional help. Coaching provides a very helpful structure and accountability and can short cut that tiring circular thinking.

6. Persist! Persist! Persist! Looking back, you will see that this time that seems to you now confusing, despiriting, and frustratingly without progress was actually a key period of transition and of growth. You will come to look on it as one of the most significant episodes of your life. To quote Bridges (and by the way, isn't that a perfect surname for the author of a book on transition!):

"Throughout nature, growth involves periodic acceleration and transformations: Things go slowly for a time and nothing seems to happen - until suddenly the eggshell cracks, the branch blossoms, the tadpole's tail shrinks away..."

Stick with this tadpole time! Your leaping frog awaits you.

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