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Your Memories Deceive You

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Published: 19Sep2009
Word count: 805
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We all have our favorite childhood memories. We also have memories that we'd actually rather not remember.

I recall going to the beach with my family when I was a kid. I remember the first time I walked around New York City as a teenager. I remember the first girl I kissed.

I also remember being teased, bullied, and rejected all through school (and outside of school).

The funny thing is, memory is not all that accurate. Things change in our mind as time goes by.

How many times have you thought you remembered something without a doubt? You could even picture it in your mind clear as day.

There is some interesting research out there that shows us just how inaccurate our memories are. In fact, a good amount of what we think we remember was actually placed in our minds AFTER the event.

Here's what I mean. Scientists were able to convince subjects that when they were kids, they got sick eating an egg-salad sandwich.

It was completely false!

Now this experiment was pretty ingenious in the way it was carried out. And the results were very unexpected.

People actually avoided egg salad after they were told that it made them sick when they were younger.

So it turns out memories are not always accurate.

Our minds are extremely adaptable and flexible. If we THINK we remember something, it's the same as it actually happening, as far as the mind is concerned.

I know how to tough it is to overcome bad memories. It seems like the bad memories are the ones that trigger the biggest emotional responses.

When you think of a nice memory, you feel calm, relaxed, and it fades away.

You remember something embarrassing or painful, and your body tightens up, your adrenaline starts flowing, and you might even get hot.

The key is to dissolve bad memories, and start making new, good memories.

This is all part of the feedback loop integral to belief-formation.

Once you start having good memories, your brain will start to make the connections stronger.

You see an attractive woman.

You remember the last time you approached a woman like her. It went well!

So you walk up with barely any nervousness (except the pure excitement of meeting someone new) and you have a fun, relaxed conversation.

But let's say you don't have good experiences to draw from. You must get in the habit of reframing your experiences so that you feel good about them.

For example, if you got rejected the last time you approached a woman, you can realize that you weren't actually hurt by this. Your body was still intact, and you woke up the next morning in good health.

This will show your mind that approaching women is not dangerous, and you risk nothing by taking action.

Now the next time you see an attractive women, you will probably be nervous, but it won't be as bad as before.

If you don't know how to get good experiences, you must reframe them immediately so they are good

Gradually, your experiences improve, and you have many great memories to review and draw from.

Eventually these memories are consolidated and fully internalized into your subconscious, so that they are now beliefs.

This is why it's next to impossible to change your beliefs on the spot.

It takes time. The brain needs time to rewire itself.

Trying to change your beliefs only reaffirms that you aren't the person you want to be; as you are saying "I'm a great guy, women like me," your mind is simultaneously commenting, "yeah right, I'm lying, it's bullshit, this is stupid."

Your memories can haunt you and plague your progress.

The worst memories are often about powerlessness, whether you were mistreated by your parents, ridiculed by your peers, or rejected by females.

Here's the good news. You don't have to change your beliefs to have success with women NOW.

You have to change your focus - your attention in the present moment.

This is easy when you know what to pay attention to!

Just like playing a game...if you know what to focus on, and can do only that, you will do very well.

If you're playing basketball, focus on boxing out when the other team takes a shot.

When your point guard is bringing the ball down court, focus on finding space or setting a pick so your teammate can find space.

When you get the ball, focus on getting your feet planted and look at the back of the rim as you flick your wrist.

It's the same with women.

If you know what to pay attention to with women, you will know what to do naturally, without effort or fear.

This is the beginning of a new you, of new memories, a new life.

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