Choose Your Own Adventure: Food In Appleton Attacks

After a night in the tavern with a few rounds of sangrias and margaritas, your adventuring party gathers in the common room in the morning. Over a simple yet delicious meal, you and your group discuss where your quest will take you next. It is then that you hear a scream from outside. "We're under attack, the Guacamole Raiders are here!" You run out and a woman is pointing to the west. As you look, you see the raiders. They weren't human. They appear to be three foot high, triangular tortilla chips. You must decide how best to fight these raiders and save the town. If you want to go get the molten cheese, go to paragraph 1. If you want to gather the spicy beef, go to paragraph 2. If shredded lettuce, sliced jalapeños, onion, and pico de gallo sound good, go to paragraph 3. If all of the above sounds like a good idea, go to paragraph 4.

1: You gather massive buckets of molten cheese and try as you might, it is too thick to fling effectively. What you do get on the raiders slowly soaks in and makes them soggy, but otherwise unharmed.

2: Luckily you find the catapults already filled with heaping mounds of spicy beef. You line up your shots and let the spicy beef bombs fly. At first it appears that you are successful. However, after mere moments, the raiders unbury themselves and continue on.

3: You find all the fixings and start throwing them at the raiders. They don't seem to be phased by you effectively throwing salad at them.

4: You split your party of adventurers and gather the molten cheese, spicy beef, and all the other fixings. One member of your party has the presence of mind to get a giant scoop of guacamole. Your party gathers to concoct a plan. The raiders are here assumedly for the guacamole, so you use it to lure them in together. Once they are huddled together, you drop some spicy beef bombs on them and dump the molten cheese over the top. Finally the rest of the ingredients go on top. It would appear that you have been successful in stopping the Guacamole Raiders.

The people of Appleton come out of their homes and cheer for their heroes. You have saved the day and the people want to celebrate. They bring out the sangrias and margaritas to sip on as the best nachos you've ever had are served to any that want them. After the appetizer, fantastic dishes of fusion cuisine are brought to you and your adventuring companions. The celebration goes on throughout the night and when you awaken on the morrow, the governor of Appleton approaches you and offers you an epic quest. He wants you and your brave party of heroes to find the leader of the Guacamole Raiders and eliminate the threat to Appleton. Their leader is the fearsome giant, Colossal Burrito. Do you accept?

Tim Hiller is a freelance writer that is a bit twisted, just like fusion cuisine.

This article was published on 12 Jan 2016 and has been viewed 889 times
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